The birthday weekend I arranged for the youngest sprog (now 21, ahh how old does that make me feel) went really well. Everybody enjoyed the weekend, we all had fun times or pampering times and then spent a lovely day together at a beautiful National Trust property with something for all age groups.
Yet before this weekend, during this weekend, and now I have been struggling big time with wanting to eat cakes, chocolate, crisps and (now) cheese on toast - all comfort food.
Why do I need or want comfort food? I am unhappy with where I work, what I am doing, having to work, and trying to complete my evening course as well. I can see no way out except to carry on working and try to make the best of it. This has led me to be snappy with the every loving and giving partner - well, who else can I be snappy with?
I find myself worrying about the sprogs as well, both have backsides that could do with dietary shrinking before they burst out of their trousers. Sprog 1 (eldest) is unhappy with her lot but does not know what to do about it and will barely discuss it. Sprog 2 is just very stressed taking university end of year exams. Sprog 1 has given up smoking at New Year as well, never something that helps the hips.
I am finding that giving in all the time and feeling the woes of the world leaves me feeling tired, fed up and irritable and out of food control. The more fed up I feel the more my food goes out of control and I start to binge eat again, as well as secret eating. 4 cream cakes today eaten in secret with the boxes well hidden. I even managed to get off my backside, well out of my bed at 3.00pm, to go to the shop to buy them before hubby got home from work.
Will writing up my terrible secrets be cathartic? Can I regain control and focus on the next target? I am still trying to keep the 2st off and get to the 10% goal, let alone have achieved something significant by the time hubby and I remarry in Rome this coming June.
Help!
I even went to the Tarot cards for answers today, that just leaves me feeling confused about myself. Do I give up working - no. Do I move to France - no. Do I sell the house - no. I want to sell the house and go live the simple life in France but the Tarot says no. To be honest my own brain tells me no as the tax implication on my retirement lump sum would be significant, it is tax free in the UK and taxable at 40% in France as the pension systems are structured differently. I can only go to live in France after I have retired. So my next question, how do I get early retirement?
I know this much, if I do not conquer my weight problems early retirement will be the least of my issues, I will end up disabled and unable to enjoy life
Some good news in the last 2 weeks though. The doctor has explained that If I get down to 16st I can be referred for an op on my knee to sort out the torn cartilage which should greatly improve my mobility and pain. In the meantime I am referred back to physio to strengthen the muscles.
As they say, every cloud has a silver lining.
weight loss 
obesity 
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1 comment:
I understand what you're going through. Food is a drug, its a comfort. Hang in there and don't give up.
I've just started on my own weight loss journey. I've been reading other people's blogs for inspiration.
I wish you luck in your journey and I hope that you don't let a stumble here or there stop you from reaching your goal.
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