The Tales of Mrs Yo-Yo Dieter!

Back on the slimming wagon

2012-01-15T14:47:00.001Z

Yikes, got on the scales this week and definately need to get back on that slimming wagon train again and head for destination target weight. We are celebrating the big 30 anniversary this year in Paris at a concert, so got to be heading on the down track to enjoy the occasion and be fit enough to walk around the squares and parks of that romantic city.

Tried Weight Watchers last year, attending class on and off and using the web tools but just did not get on with it. Back to Scottish Slimmers and trying the updated PEP as on online member and using the forum for support again - I have had the most success with Scottish Slimmers, I just need the will power to stick to it.

This year I am putting me first, hubby next and work definately last in my priorities!

diet, dieting, Weight Loss, obesity, fatblogging, hypnosis, Andrew Johnson

Tracker so far

2011-05-06T10:34:00.000+01:00

3 May
- Pro Points 46 Daily and 3 weekly (end of normal week)
- 63.5 checks

4 May (Day 1 of week)
- Pro Points 46 Daily and 24 weekly
- 103 checks (38 over daily limit)

As I am not working at present, and stressed about our financial security, I snack all the time. I have to try and convert them to lower check/Pro Point healthier (less sweet) snacks - and reduce the snacking urge. Busy hands, less snacking!

5 May
- Pro Points 46 Daily and 1 weekly (25 to date)
- 66 checks (1 over daily limit, 39 over in total for week)

Is my horoscope today prophetic?

2011-05-06T10:21:00.001+01:00

My horoscope today says:

'The old, outmoded methods are falling by the wayside, making room for new growth. A fresh career opportunity will come your way, causing you to make dramatic changes to your personal life. You might break off a troubled relationship or move to a new neighbourhood. You could launch a new fitness regime which forces you to break ties with toxic people. Don't be afraid to break a bad habit for the sake of something better: A new life, free of addiction and pain.' (Yahoo)

Nothing could be more spot on - I have a toxic relationship with food, and bad habits of over-eating. I am also riddled with pain in my back, my knees, my elbows and one of my hands. I do want a life free of addiction to food and free of the crippling pain I am suffering. My back is so bad now that I cannot stand up without support, yet my doctor says it is my part slipped discs just twinging, that there is nothing wrong!!

I know, it is ages since I last posted here and you are wondering if I am still on that weight loss journey. Well the answer is yes, I am, just going backwards more than forwards!!! Such a typical yo-yo dieter.

I joined Weight Watchers 10 week ago, but have only attended 3 times in 10 weeks. I found I was back up to 24st 2lbs, so was well on the way to regaining everything I had lost. In my first week on the new Pro Points plan I lost 10lb and then lost my way again - I bought WW products (mainly chocolate bars) and ate the lot in one go and lost my way for the whole week. I struggled to gain control again and when I found it again went back to weigh in and had gained a couple of pounds. I made the mistake of buying more chocolate from WW again, and yet again ate the lot in one go!!

So, what have I learnt - stop buying the WW chocolates at meetings as I eat one, I eat the lot.

The next thing is to log everything you eat and drink - well I am back to logging again (I count my Pro Points and my Scottish Slimmers checks). I currently follow the SS recipes (which I just love) and convert them to the WW Pro Points.

I have enough reasons to want to lose weight:

- to get free of constant pain;
- to find my self-esteem again;
- to find my sex life again;
- to enjoy life with my new grandson; and
- to maximise my life so that I can have a long and happy retirement with my husband and family when I reach 60.

In the short-term though, I just want to ease the physical pain I am in and look forward to my holiday in Canada this summer so that I can be reasonably active.

I am going to make a promise to myself and my blog:

- I am going to post here everyday;
- I am going to count my Pro Points and my SS Checks daily:
- I am going to plan every week;
- I am going to start to try and exercise twice a week.

Help me to help myself make today's horoscope come true.

Holiday Weight Loss - it can be done!

2009-08-17T12:14:00.003+01:00

Wow, it can be done. You can go on holiday, enjoy yourself and still lose weight. I have lost 2 lbs this week. That is a novelty for me (except for New Zealand, where I was so active).

We have enjoyed ourselves, eaten out several times and not stinted ourselves with treats such as ice cream (Carte d'or chocolate ice cream is the best) and wine. The thing is to keep them as treats.

I have counted everything, and estimated when out. To help balance the times of eating out I have stuck with no check/low check meals and my every day bonuses (yogurt and fruit). In between meals I have filled up with water.

I will just keep writing everything down, planning ahead when I can and catching up if I have to. Now I just have to get through the challenge of 4 dinners out this week, and 2 lunches out, and a week in Hong Kong to follow!

diet, dieting, Weight Loss, obesity, fatblogging

Reject the chips!!

2009-08-13T00:10:00.003+01:00

It can be done, yes (I SHOUT) 'IT CAN BE DONE' - you can resist the chips in favour of salad and keeping PEPtastic.

Was it will-power? Was it a double dose of inspiration? Was it motivation? Well, not in this occasion I am sorry to say - it was the size of the queue waiting for the chips at the chip fry stall at Le Saillant food market! Next time it will be Miss Motivation as the feeling of virtuousness makes me feel special, so special I think I deserve a treat. What!!! No chocolate! How will I reward myself? I know, a punnet of freshly picked strawberries, which are juicer and sweeter than any other I have ever tasted. I can cope without chips and chocolate. Life is not at an end, it is just leaving the starting blocks of my PEPing with Scottish Slimmers.

diet, dieting, Weight Loss, obesity, fatblogging, French Producers Markets

Shock horror!! 'Sometime Soon' Clothes do fit!

2009-08-11T13:54:00.006+01:00

Do you buy clothes to slim into? Yes, I thought to. All women do and then hang it up in the wardrobe for ever and a day.

We see something in the sales, or the last one in the shop or this season's must haves. It is just not big enough though, but never mind, I am on a diet so it will fit 'sometime soon'.

My wardrobe is full of 'sometime soon' clothes though, bought over the years with many being a long way from fitting anytime soon. If they ever fit, I will have to wait for them to come back into fashion again!

Well, this time the PEPing and 'sometime soon' philosophy worked for a change.

The pair of summer long shorts I wanted, the last ones in the shop 3 weeks ago, that were one size too small at the time, do fit now. When I got them I struggled to get them on my hips and sitting down would have lead to a split seat of the pants moment before I got out of the changing room.

It is amazing what a bit of toning up by walking more and a few pounds off can do. Now they fit AND I can sit down in them, and not a split to be seen or heard!

There has got to be a first for everything and this is my first - something did fit me 'sometime soon'!

Now I will just have to keep trying on the summer dress I bought at the same time, the last one in the shop and half price (what a bargain). Those buttons will do up down my chest 'sometime soon'!

diet, dieting, Weight Loss, obesity, fatblogging, Clothes Shopping

Holiday Catch Up

2009-08-10T13:50:00.005+01:00

A quick catch up today. We are on our summer break in the Limousin region of France. The journey over started last Monday, via the in-laws and an Italian dinner out! Before catching the late night ferry from Portsmouth we had fish and chips as well.

I have been almost PEPtastically good since then, even entertaining guests twice whilst sticking to PEP!

Dinner menu 1 - slice melon and slice parma ham (EDB + 2 checks), Chicken Korma and rice (16), jelly mousse (2 checks), 2 glasses red wine (8 checks)

Dinner menu 2 - Pork in sweet plum sauce with firecracker rice (brilliant) (16 checks), nectarine and SS cookie crumble (EDB + 4 checks), 2 glasses champagne (8 checks), 1 glass red wine (4 checks). I only had 4 packets of SS cookies to go round 5 people!!

The weather was hot travelling through France on the first day, was nice the next day and then turned gray and overcast. Yesterday it rained all day, but today is sunny and bright again.

I am planning and looking forward to a PEPtastic week.

diet, dieting, Weight Loss, obesity, fatblogging, hypnosis, Andrew Johnson,France

Miss Motivation is well and truly back

2009-08-03T09:06:00.007+01:00

OMG, Miss Temptation has been rearing her blobby head and Miss Motivation has been sadly lacking! My o/h has not been able to be with me during the week in Liverpool and big boxes of chocolates have found the way into my shopping bag when he was not there.

Well, Miss Inspiration came along and waved a magic wand, and a well placed kick up the ass which has helped to bring Miss Motivation well and truly back! I have lost 4lbs this week - yipeeeeeee!

I think, maybe, reminding myself of why I have been losing the pounds has helped - I would never have been on a round the world trip and experienced the wonder of New Zealand without the motivation to tackle those excess pounds in the first place. Writing up my travel blog has helped to bring back my focus, I want to travel to Darwin and northern Queensland next, and am re-visiting Hong Kong at the end of August.

diet, dieting, Weight Loss, obesity, fatblogging, hypnosis, Andrew Johnson

Havelock to Greytown - The End of Part 1

2009-07-28T20:27:00.003+01:00

Havelock to Greytown

2 March and we set off to catch the Interislander Ferry across the Cook Straits from Picton to Wellington and onward to Greytown on the North Island. See Part 2 of our New Zealand Extension Trip report for the travel log of the North Island (coming soon).

Trip note - the weather was hot and sunny most of the time.

New Zealand, Havelock, Greytown

Kaiteriteri to Havelock (Green Mussel Capital)

2009-07-28T20:22:00.006+01:00

Kaiteriteri to Havelock (Green Mussel Capital of the World)

1 - 2 March found us stopping overnight at the associate YHA in Havelock, one of the most homely and welcoming places we stayed. The best bed and bedding to be found anywhere and a lovely large communual dining table where discussion was prompted by the ambiance. Our main reason for putting this into our itinerary was for the afternoon Greenshell Mussel Cruise out of Havelock harbour. We learnt about how the green lipped mussels were farmed and also about the stunning setting of Pelorus and Queen Charlotte Sounds. Of course, the local wine and freshly steamed green lipped shell mussels served on the cruise also helped to make the trip special and memorable.

Trip tip - we would love to return to this area again, and particularly to stop over in Nelson, which looked fabulous as we were driving through. If we could retire to NZ we would definately choose Picton to live in.

New Zealand, Kaiteriteri, Havelock

Takawa to Kaiteriteri

2009-07-28T20:14:00.005+01:00

Takawa to Kaiteriteri

27 - 1st March was spent at the popular seaside village of Kaiteriteri at the Kaiteriteri Beach Motor Camp (incredibly popular, so book very early if you want to stay there) in a basic holiday cabin (it was the cheapest, and only, accommodation we could find there) at $50 per night inluding the hire of bedding, crockery and cooking utensils. The toilet block, kitchen and shared fridge and freezer facilities were first rate. The beach at this resort is one of the best in the whole area. We had already booked a trip on a sailing catamaran with Abel Tasman Sailing on the way to Takaka for the morning of the 27th (origninally booked for the 28th but when we re-confirmed we were advised about adverse weather conditions due on the 28th, so brought the trip forward). To make the early start we gladly left Annie's Nirvana in Takaka to arrive at Kaiteriteri for our 9.30 sailing experience. Parking up in the public car park we stolled across the road to the golden sandy beach bright and early for our trip on board the catamaran for a lovely sail around Spit Apple Rock, past Marahau, Fisherman and Adele Islands (with commentary on their history) until we reached Anchorage Bay, our final destination and lunch stop (included in the price). After a relaxed lunch on the deck we enjoyed a swim and walk around the area. For keen hikers, there is basic cabin accommodation here as well as a campsite. The Abel Tasman Coast and Heaphy tracks are very popular multi-day hikes.

The 28th dawned to storms and rain from the early hours of the morning, as predicted and raincoats were at the ready for dashes to the toilets and kitchen. We had no plans ready for a rainy day, so gathered what info we could from the camp office to make a decision. During this time I realised that I had misplaced my recently acquired sun hat (a vital purchase in Ayers Rock earlier in our whole trip). After searching my memory (that didn't take too long) I recalled wearing it when we were at Farewell Spit. We phoned the tour company and low and behold they had the hat. So we were sorted for a day time activity - a return trip to Collingwood to collect my hat from the Eco Tour office. Before setting off we had also decided on an evening activity - we made a booking to go to the cinema at the leisure centre in Motueka to see the new release Slumdog Millionaire.

Having already done the drive to Golden Bay and back once, we headed there again. The drive along State Highway 60 up and over Takaka Hill is stunning, and also gut wrenching, with evidence of landslides all around and views over steep drops. You pass caves near the summit of the road and the road winds down through the Takaka Hill Scenic Reserve. On arrival in Collingwood, after retrieving my hat, we visited the small museum there, which gave a fascinating insight into the continued economic regeneration of a unique and remote area and the heroism shown by the young men and women of the area in supporting the allies in WW1. Returning to Collingwood allowed us the opportunity to make a visit to Rosy Glow Chocolates, a must do if you are ever there. These delicious hand-made chocolates are mouth wateringly described and made for sharing (they are seriously large for liquer and continental chocolates). Before heading back over the Takaka Hill we lunched at the Courthouse Cafe and Gallery, an interesting small building in the heart of the small town which, again, served excellent coffee. On the way back we stopped off just past Takaka at Golden Salami for some home cured salami from their own cattle, you pull in off the road and buy from a vending machine in a small cabin. There are a large range of delicious salami's and sausages to choose from, and if help is needed a telephone is there to contact the producer at his home.

The evening cinema experience was something else again, the leisure centre provided a host of normal sporting activities with a small single screen cinema as part of the complex. We arrived early as we were told that seats were unallocated, so it was first come first served, and queued up to pass the ticket checker. On going through to the cinema we entered into a small auditorium with seating for only about 100 people. Everyone arrived in their best clothes and greeted one another like a social occasion. The film was fun and left us with a feel-good feeling at the end of an ejoyable, if wet day.

New Zealand, Takawa, Kaiteriteri

Picton to Takawa (Golden Bay)

2009-07-28T19:50:00.011+01:00

Picton to Takawa (Golden Bay)

25 - 27 Feb we headed to Annies Nirvana YHA associate in Takaka, Golden Bay, stopping at Kaiteriteri on route to confirm our booking for a sailing adventure of the Abel Tasman National Park. Our main reason for staying at Takawa was a trip the next day to Farewell Spit, which we knew would be a lengthy afternoon trip. In honesty, this was the worst accommodation we stayed in on the whole of our time away. The bed was excruitiatingly uncomfortable and the facilities were inadequate for the number of people staying there. We stayed in the end of a row of joined cabins in the garden (like a large garden shed with separate compartments). We also found the other backpackers, of all ages, to be insular and a bit 'up themselves' for the older ones. The hostel keeper was friendly and helpful though.

26th Februay and we took a slow drive to Collingwood for our afternoon trip on the Farewell Spit Eco Tour, on the way taking time out to stop at Pupu Springs (Te Waikoropupu) for coffee and a walk around the nature reserve. The springs bubbling up today, the cleanest of anywhere, probably started as rain 50 years ago and pump out about 14,000 litres of water every minute! This is definately worth a wonder around and the flora, fauna and springs are stunning. We stopped for an early lunch at the Mussel Inn, Onekaka, between Takaka and Collingwood. Get there if you can, a lovely spot to sit inside or out eating local mussel chowder washed down with organic home brewed beer. We would definately head back there again to enjoy the bear and live bands they often have.

The Farewell Spit Eco Tour was one of the major highlights of our whole holiday, the tour was led by a lively and knowledgable lady who was a local character. The expidition is in unique 4 wheel drive buses. The trip takes you to the most northly point of the South Island (Cape Farewell) and then along the spit to the lighthouse. You get a chance to walk along the sands and explore caves and coves before heading towards the old lighthouse. You stop here for a walk around, coffee and home made muffins. My o/h climbed the lighthouse whilst I walked around the lighhouse keepers cottages. 3 keepers lived in this remote area, with their families, until the lighthouse was automated. You get an insight into the remoteness of this little community and the harsh life the keepers and their families must have endured yet the family photographs on display show happy, smiling and carefree children. The small community was self-sufficient to an extent with their own vegetable and fruti gardens and they kept their own cows and chickens. The tour along the spit ended with fun time climbing sand dunes and walking along the shoreline barefoot in the Tasman Sea swell.

New Zealand, Picton, Takawa, Farewell Spit

Kaikouria to Picton (Waikawa)

2009-07-28T01:29:00.009+01:00

Kaikouria to Picton (Waikawa)

The next day we headed to Picton, but not before spending the morning touring the enlightening Lavendyl lavender farm - I never realised lavender came in so many types or so many forms (including chocolates and mustards)! We stopped for lunch at Nin's Bin, a roadside caravan with seating by the oceanside which sells the tastiest fresh cooked crayfish, we had our crayfish served with freshly steamed mussels. Delicious!! Crayfish is a speciality of the area, but can be expensive, the roadside caravans which abound on the road just outside of Kaikouria (on route to Blenheim) are the best places to try crayfish without the cost of the town restaurants. Of course we did have to stop for the regular top up of NZ coffee (and cake) at The Store in Kekerengu, midway between Kaikoura and Blenheim. The terrace has views to die for.

22 - 25 Feb - We stayed at the Buckaneer Lodge, Waikawa (just along from Picton). The Buckaneer is easy to find if you have the right address, unfortunately we had the wrong address and spent a lot of time driving around to find it - only to find we were on top of it the whole time! When we did arrive at the front door we received a warm welcome from this Backpackers Hostel and were shown to an en-suite room on the first floor with a large balcony overlooking Waikawa and its large harbour. It was a treat to sit on the balcony sipping chilled wine as the sun went down. We did head to a place my o/h had read about in Picton called the Echo, which was a boat made famous in an American film. It is now a lovely little cafe and bar where you can see an eclectic collection of old historical photos and the original film featuring the boat. Prior to the film, it had been a working boat (scow) in NZ. After dinner, back at the Buckaneer, we found another sign of this great places hospitality - home made Pavlova. What a treat.

The 23rd was spent taking the Mail Boat Run with Beachcomber cruises. My weight had been reducing during this trip as I was more active, my arthritis was at bay and my confidence in my ability was sky high so I felt ready for the 10k walk from Resolution Bay to Furneaux Lodge, with a stop on the track for our packed lunch. On the way to Resolution Bay the Mail Boat stopped at Ships Cove where my o/h had his photo taken by Cooks Monument. This is special to us as we live near Newton under Roseberry Topping, where Captain Cook was born. A popular hike for my o/h is to Cooks Monument near Great Ayton (North Yorkshire). Now he has seen, and been to, two Cooks Monuments! On the 10k hike my o/h slowed down just for me, he is very fit and active and would normally run the 10k (as a seasoned orienteer). I thought I was being more energetic than ever! Our deadline was to be at Furneaux Lodge in time for the return pick up at 4.00pm - easy I thought, that would give us 5 hours. I thought I really could walk at about 1k every 10 minutes! Well, I do on flat land! After climbing up the hillside from the Bay to the track with the help of a rope due to the gradient, I was ready for my first stop of the day. The track was nothing like a walk along a pavement, it was pitted, muddy in places, steep climbs in other places and treacherous descents in yet other places. Only my desire to get back to the Buckaneer kept me going for the foot slogging final 2k to Furneaux Lodge. Fate meant we arrived just in time to grab an icecream before heading for the Mail Boat home. Would I do it again? Yes. Why? The views, the closeness to nature, the amazing wildlife we were privileged to see, and not least the sense of achievement I felt at completing a major challenge for me. Aside from that, the track was well populated with walkers, and had great stopping places for breaks and lunch stops. I will definately go back there, do the walk again, and next time stay at the lively looking Furneaux Lodge.

24th Feb found me stiff all over, with feet that felt like lead weights when I tried to move, not the best way to feel when we were embarking on a guided wine tour of the Marlborough vineyards. We were picked up 9.30am, stopped to collect another couple at about 10.00am from a Blenheim motel (a lovely couple from Australia) and then set off to visit 3 vineyards before lunch. We had lunch at a vineyard garden, by which time the alcohol was definately giving medicinal aid to my body. After lunch we visited another vineyard and a small shopping complex with local luxury food and wine produce for sale. We managed to head back to the Buckaneer with a dozen mixed wines from the various vinyards. During the tastings we found, to our surprise, that we loved the local Sauvignon Blanc and Riesling (we are normally committed red wine drinkers).

Trip tip - Waikawa has the largest marina outside of Auckland which was a shock to find, in such a small place.

New Zealand, Kaikouria, Picton

Hanmer Springs to Kaikouria

2009-07-28T00:57:00.008+01:00

Hanmer Springs to Kaikouria

21 - 22 Feb - Kaikouria staying at the Top 10 Holiday Park in an en-suite double room with a small balcony at $110 per night. The Park was right in the prime spot for getting to the centre for the whale watching boat tours - one of the main reasons why people travel to Kaikouria by road, coach and train.

We arrived at lunch time on the 21st and headed for our lunch at Hislop's, a popular organic cafe where I enjoyed a tasty creamy fish chowder with freshly baked bread. I had never had chowder before, and admit I don't really like fish (other than the battered kind) but this was different. As we had arrived earlier than anticipated we went to see if we could do the whale watching cruise that afternoon and luckily got the 2 last places on the last cruise! The cruise was a wonderful experience as we saw 2 whales and several playful pods of flying dusky dolphins. The evening was spent having fish and chips from a local eatery on the deck of our cabin.

New Zealand, Hanmer Springs, Kaikouria

Akaroa to Hanmer Springs

2009-07-28T00:56:00.004+01:00

Akaroa to Hanmer Springs

20 - 21 Feb - The next day we headed to Hanmer Springs via Lyttleton and enjoyed lunch on the way at the Lyttleton Coffee Company, a buzzing bunker like structure with great food and even greater coffee. This is a place we definitely want to head back to as there is more to it than meets the eye. It is a busy commercial area with houses built high up on the hills and around the Bay are wonderful small settlements where the locals enjoy a great outdoor lifestyle.

In Hammer Springs we stayed at the YHA, although the room was comfy the place was let down by the selfish other guests (mainly family groups) who treated the place as if it was a hotel - do they not realise they have to clear up after themselves when cooking? Nobody is paid to clear up after you! We spent the late afternoon and evening at the Springs - a series of spa pools of varying temperatures. There are walks you can do, but otherwise the springs are the main attraction of going to Hanmer.

New Zealand, Akaroa, Hanmer Springs

Oamaru to Akaroa

2009-07-28T00:52:00.005+01:00

Oamaru to Akaroa

18 - 20 Feb - We travelled onto Akaroa, on the Banks Peninsula. Staying at Akaroa gave us the opportunity to try out an Australasian holiday park - the Top 10 Holiday Park. At $105 dollars a night for a studio en-suite and a deck overlooking the Bay was restful. We ate locally on fish and chips, a very popular option judging by the number of people waiting ahead of us in the queue. The drive over the Banks Peninsula can be a bit hair-raising and frustrating if you find yourself with a camper van moving slowly ahead of you (and not using the pull in lanes to allow faster moving vehicles to overtake).

The 19th saw us walking around the sites of Akaroa and taking a boat trip out to see the Hector's dolphins the area is famous for, along with a vast range of other sea and air wildlife. We toured with Akaroa Dolphin and Harbour Cruises, a small and personally run company. We were served with wine, soft drinks, and hot drinks with home made cookies.

New Zealand, Oamaru, Akaroa

Queenstown to Oamaru

2009-07-28T00:48:00.007+01:00

Queenstown to Oamaru

17 - 18 Feb - Oamaru YHA (Red Kettle) - a small double room and shared bathroom facilities. A lovely, small, warm and friendly YHA with a mix of young and not so young travellers from all over the world. On route to Oamaru we stopped at the fascinating and unusual Moeraki Boulders. Standing on these honeycomb boulders felt like standing on top of the world. The barefoot walk, hand in hand, along the beach and through the surf to the boulders in the mid afternoon was bliss. The added magical moment was seeing two dolphins tumbling playfully in the surf. The boulders are some 25k south of Oamaru.

We spent the first evening going to see if we could site the yellow eyed penguins, but found that there were loads of people already there and you were a long way from the penguins (being short-sighted meant that I saw very little). Travel tip - take binoculars!!! Following that we headed to the Blue Eyed penguin viewing Colony. You are not allowed to take photos, but you do have a comfortable covered sitting area and the ability to purchase hot drinks and snacks. Useful, as you will find yourself sitting there for at least 1.5 to 2 hours whilst these small and cute penguins find their way back to shore and slowly climb up the embankment to find their way home. They sit at the bottom of the slope and wait for other penguins to land at shore, then a confident one will strive out ahead of the others and they start to all follow on up. It as actually quiet magical to see, and you find yourself counting them out and willing more to arrive safely.

The next day we took a self guided walk around the magnificent and grand buildings of Oamaru. This was a rich and prosperous place at one time but lost out to other ports and the area fell into economic decline. Tourism is starting to reverse that trend now and you can see investment taking place. We enjoyed a long black at Steam and lunch at the Whisky Store. Travel tip - you will never have better coffee anywhere than NZ (and that is from seasoned French and Italian travellers!).

New Zealand, Queenstown, Oamaru

Wellington to Queenstown

2009-07-28T00:43:00.004+01:00

Wellington to Queenstown

14 Feb - flew Air NZ (very good experience) from Wellington to Queenstown with an organised airport transfer from the Holiday Inn to the airport (they booked the most expensive, but we did get it to our self, and when we pointed out that he was charging us more than his advertised transfer fee he brought the price down to the standard level). Just because you stay in posh hotels does not mean you are loaded!!! We picked up a cheap higher car, in more ways than one, at Queenstown airport from Apex Rentals. We were keeping the hire car right through to the 14th March so got an excellent long term rental rate, and the ferry fare between Picton and Wellington was also included. We got a Datsun Sunny which was fine for the 2 of us, and best of all, was really cheap to run (petrol wise).

Our previous hire cars in the first 4 weeks had been through Hertz and Avis, we had new top of the range cars, which came at a price (and were expensive to run) but these had all been arranged before we left the UK via our travel agent (never again). As it was a long rental we were given a free guide book, New Zealand Driving Holidays by Donna Blaber - this proved to be invaluable for the tips and hints about off the beaten track and quirky things and places. An absolute must for any driving holiday in NZ.

14 Feb - 17 Feb we stayed at the Lakeside Motel in Queenstown ($139 NZ per night) but were upgraded for free from the motel room to a 2 bed, 2 story apartment with a lovely balcony directly overlooking Lake Wakatipu and a private garden with street entrance! On the 14th we took ourselves out for a walk around the town and stopped for dinner at the Dux De Lux (good, but not as good as the one in Christchurch). What did make the evening really good was the live Ska band they had playing late into the evening.

15th - toured around Arrowtown, the Chinese Settlement, the famous bungee jump bridge (I did feel tempted to jump but decided to be more sensible), a local winery, and also just soaked up the chilled ambiance of Queenstown over coffee overlooking the lake.

16th - we had pre-booked the Dart Wilderness tour. We were picked up near our accommodation in the morning and taken to Glenorchy for our adventure. The drive along Lake Wakatipu is stunning - you really see why the ranges are called the Remarkables. Once at Glenorchy you are split into 2 groups, those going up the Dart by jet boat, and walking back to the bus for the scenery tour, and those going up by bus and back by jet boat. If you get a choice, go up the Dart River by jet boat rather than down the River (a better experience). This was thrilling, we loved it. The boat was doing 360 degree turns on 6 inches of water (loads of squeals from the ladies). You were so close to nature you could touch and feel it. My o/h had met a family on the Sydney Harbour Bridge climb (on an earlier part of our world tour) and they voted this the best experience of their whole holiday down under. Do it, you will then know why. The walk from the river to the bus was about 30 - 45 minutes and was relaxing and pleasant. The views of the river from the woods struck you dumb with awe. The 4 wheel coach trip took you to the filming sites of many famous adverts and, of course, that film! (Lord of the Rings). In the evening we took the last trip on the SS Earnslaw across Lake Wakatipu, which included time at the Walter Peak High Country Farm to watch an amusing sheep sheering demonstration.

17th - a last wander around Queenstown and a coffee on the waterside before heading to Oamaru.

New Zealand, Wellington, Queenstown

Auckland to Wellington

2009-07-28T00:37:00.004+01:00

Auckland to Wellington

Part 1 of the trip report mainly concentrates on the South Island part of our extension, but the extension actually started in Wellington, so that is were I shall start. The remainder of our extension itinerary covering North Island will be in Extension Itinerary Part 2 (watch out for that later).

10 Feb - Overland train from Auckland to Wellington (booked via tourist board).

10 Feb - 14 Feb - Wellington Youth Hostel (the only place with availability (there was some rugby tournament on just before and all accommodation was booked up!) This was our first time in a YHA in years (we are both in our 50's). We did get a private double en-suite room though! We were due to leave Wellington on the 14th February, so we spent our last night in Wellington on my IHC points at the Holiday Inn (lovely free upgrade) as the YHA was fully booked for that last night. We finalised our remaining time in NZ whilst at the YHA in Wellington - we were positively amazed at the quality of the YH network and the extent of it throughout NZ, and the majority of our time was to be spent in YH's or associates - and what a treat to cook for ourselves at last rather than eating out all the time. It also kept our costs much lower which allowed us to save our money for experiences. Before leaving Wellington we had joined the YHA for the year and found that the savings on nightly accommodation more than exceeded the annual fee. We later found out that we were to get YHA discounts all over the place which saved us more.

A useful tip here - get leaflets and brochures from the local I-Site's throughout NZ as there are loads of extras and money off coupons to stretch your pennies even further.

In Wellington, aside from finalising planning and making our accommodation bookings, we also did a guided walk booked and arranged through the Wellington I-Site which gave us the background and history of Wellington and the culture of the place. Very useful orientation. Even though it was the NZ summer, we also found out why the place is called the windy city - gusts nearly took you off your feet around every corner. My o/h had to track down an emergency dentist due to a disintegrating tooth, which was quickly and cheaply sorted out (and is still fine to this day). The other 2 highlights of Wellington were a guided visit around the NZ Parliament, which was entertaining, enlightening, fun and dry (it rained quiet a bit as well). The Maori meeting room is exquisitely carved, and you can buy special stamps and postcards from the Parliament which are then given a special post mark. On the wettest day of all we spent the whole day, and evening, in the Te Papa museum - mega is all we can say (in size and exhibitions). If you only see one museum whilst in NZ - it has to be Te Papa, try out the earthquake house!

Travel tip - you find proper shops in Wellington! I needed some new clothes and underwear and found Farmers to be good and cheap. The lack of high street shops, which we are used to in the UK, was both a hindrance and yet wonderfully different in NZ. The typical high street landscape is full of individual shops and a great places to shop, and farm shops by the roadside for snacks and shopping for meals. For food shopping we found New World excellent, and Four Square ok. For even cheaper clothes and picnic hardware items the best place is The Warehouse (although I also picked up some very cheap underwear and t-shirts here).

New Zealand, Auckland, Wellington

Introduction - We don't want to go home!

2009-07-28T00:29:00.004+01:00

We don't want to go home!

Introduction

We had planned on being away for 2 months on our round the world trip, but in what was to be our last week in New Zealand we just could not leave. We had fallen in love with this spectacular and awe inspiring country. Every view took our breath away, every bend in the road brought another gut wrenching view, every meal or drink out left us wanting to come back again. Immensely friendly, full of helpful tips and guidance, warm and giving - that was how we found all the people and the country of New Zealand. They also served the best coffee in the world! Just go and try a long black!

Frantic phone calls to the agencies who source work for me and to our family elicited the same response, Britain in in despair. The credit crunch is biting hard, shops are closing down all over the place and, the final decisive factor, the weather was the worst it had been in years. What did we have to go home for? Nothing. We decided to stay, if we could. Our plans for what would have been our final days in NZ were to spend a week sailing in the Bay of Islands (many thanks to Fairwind Charters of Opua) and 3 nights in Auckland before flying onto San Francisco. We contacted the travel agents and Qantas to check out if our plans could be changed by 5 weeks. Qantas were superb, no problem they said, just give them the dates and they would check and sort it out for flights. That left only our hotel booking in San Francisco and our Alcatraz tour booking (made before we left the UK).

We spent an anxious week sailing around the Bay of Islands with intermittent mobile phone signal and limited access to the internet and land line telephones, but on our last day of sailing we got the confirmation we were hoping for - we could change our hotel booking for a nominal cost (due to season change). It was decided, we were staying another 5 weeks! The only problem - we had nothing planned, only a vague idea of what we wanted to do.

From the Bay of Islands we headed back to Auckland, and the Crowne Plaza booked on my ICH points, for what was to have been our last 3 nights in NZ, but was now our starting point for the next 5 weeks and 3 days. My o/h went off to a pre-booked trip on the Lion of New Zealand, Sir Peter Blakes Whitbread Round the World sailing yacht, to have a front line view of the Loius Vouiton racing in Auckland harbour (with Sail NZ). I spent the day washing clothes and starting to think about our next 5 week itinerary.

I drew up a rough itinerary for revisiting South Island and North Island and took on board comments of my o/h, slow things down, spend more time in a place, and have shorter travelling distances so we could have the time to see more. Very sensible. We also had some places that were a must as we either had not had enough time there the first time around (Queenstown, Paihia, Northland, the geothermal area and Picton) or we just had not had time to visit them at all (Abel Tasman National Park). When my o/h came back from the yachting he had also been told of other must sees by sailing companions - the Coromandel and White Island.

With my o/h's new suggestions and his comments on the state of my current plans, with challenges about still trying to do too much, we eventually settled on our plan. All we had to do was decide on travel arrangements and where we were going to stay - and it was still the holiday season so accommodation was going to be difficult to find and would be at a premium.

Once we had our new itinerary we took ourselves off the the Sky Tower for a celebratory dinner in the rotating restaurant, with a window side table to marvel at the stunning night time views (we had pre-booked on our first day in Auckland before we went to the Bay of Islands as it is very popular). We got to spend a day together seeing Auckland as well, and then sorted out our luggage for the trip to come, which involved buying another suitcase and leaving all our colder weather clothes behind in the Crowne Plaza until we returned for our last night in Auckland.

New Zealand, Auckland, Bay of Islands

San Francisco Activities

2009-07-23T15:01:00.004+01:00

A short stopover in San Francisco - vibrant and fun

Golden Gate Bridge
City Bus tour
Pier 49 at Fisherman’s Wharf
Napa Valley drive and dinner
Alcatraz tour and harbour boat trip
China Town dinner and walk by night
Day on the Trolley/Trams
Grace Cathedral

Travel, Holiday, San Francisco, America, California, USA

New Zealand Activities

2009-07-23T14:50:00.009+01:00

New Zealand Activities - absolutely boundless activities

Christchurch tram tour
Christchurch Gondola
Geraldine motor museum
Lake Takepo
Mt Cook and Sir Edmund Hilary Centre
Dunedin Tiera Gorge rail trip
Milford Sound

Queenstown Gondola and Maori cultural performance
Te Anau Gloworm caves
Lake Manapouri and Doubtful Sound overnight cruise
Franz Josef, Fox Glacier, Mt Tasman and Mt Cook Helicopter trip with glacier landing
Hokitika boat ride
Greymouth – Christchurch Trans Alpine train
Christchurch – Picton Transcoastal train
Marlborough Sound and Interisland Boat to Wellington
Waitomo caving - Blackwater Rafting, Waitomo Caves, Ruakuri Caves
Rotorua Hell’s Gate
Mitai Maori show
Polynesian Spa
Lion of New Zealand sailing experience (Sir Peter Blake's yacht)
Auckland harbour cruise
Skycity Auckland
Bay of Islands yachting - Fairwind Charters
Bay of Island
- Russell
- Robinson Island, Paradise Bay
- Cavalli Island
- Whangaroa Harbour
- Cape Brett Hole in the Rock
Auckland – Wellington train
Wellington walking tour
Tour of NZ Parliament
Te Papa museum
Dart River jet from Glenorchy
SS Earnslaw Lake Wanaka cruise
Arrowtown Chinese settlement
Moeraki Boulders
Oamaru penguins (Blue and yellow)
Oamaru walking tour
Pleasant Point railway museum
Akaroa dolphin tour
Lyttleton Harbour
Hanmer Springs spa
Kaikoura whale watching
Lavendyl Lavender Farm, Kaikoura
Nin’s Bin crayfish dinner
Pleasant Point Train Museum (nr Timaru)
Queen Charlotte Track 10k walk
Marlborough Sounds cruise (Cpt Cook Monument)
Marlborough wine tasting tour
Golden Bay and Farewell Spit tour
Te Waikoropupa Springs (Pupu Springs)
Abel Tasman National Park catamaran cruise
Rosy Glow Chocolates
Collingwood Museum
Cinema at Motueka – Slumdog Millionaire
Havelock Pelorus and Marlborough Sound Mussell cruise
Greytown Cobblestone museum
Schoc Chocs
Napier Art Deco walking tour
Hawkes Bay wine tour
Napier Art Deco driving tour
Huka Falls and Aratiatia Rapids
Orakei Korako Hidden Valley
Wai-o-tapu Thermal Area
Whakatane and White Island Volcano tour
Whitianga/Coromandel Hot Water Beach
Cathedral Cove and coastal boat trip
Waiau Waterworks
Driving Creek Railway
Parry Kauri Park
Whangarei Town Basin walk
Waitangi Northern Cultural show
Top of the North and 90 Mile Beach including sand dune surfing
Wacky toilets!
Rawene Boatshed café at Hokianga Harbour
Giant Kauri Trees Tane Mahuta
Auckland Hop on – hop off bus tour and War Memorial Museum
Waiheke Island Tour
Devonport Tour (and Devonport Chocolate Shop)

Travel, Holiday, New Zealand

Australia Activities

2009-07-23T14:41:00.008+01:00

Sydney

New Year overlooking the Bridge
Sydney Harbour Bridge Climb
Harbour Cruise
Opera House
Wine tour
Nature reserve and Temple
Family and Breakfast on the beach

Uluru

Sunset tour
Sunrise tour
Sounds of Silence dinner

Alice Springs

Tour of Alice Springs
School of the Air
Flying Doctors
Telegraph Station
Hot Air Ballooning
Red Centre Dreaming Show

Brisbane

Catamaran trip on the river
Koala Lone Pine Sanctuary
Bus sight seeing tour
Mt Kootha Lookout
Breakfast Creek and Newstead House
Meeting family

Travel, Holiday, Australia, Sydney, Ayers Rock, Alice Springs, Brisbane

Round the World Trip Itinerary

2009-07-23T13:00:00.010+01:00

For sharing, our whole itinerary for our Round the World holiday.

Fri 26 Dec Newcastle 12.15 Heathrow 13.35
Fri 26 Dec Heathrow 18.40 Hong Kong 14.30 + 1 Day

Arrive Hong Kong, Transfer to Metropark Kowloon for 3 nights. During the 3 nights join the two excursions that are included in the Essential package (Hong Kong Island Tour and Harbour Night Cruise).

Tue 30 Dec Hong Kong 09.20 Sydney 21.35

Check out of the Metropark Kowloon and transfer to the airport. On arrival in Sydney you have 08 Days of your own arrangement (we stayed with family).

Wed 07 Jan Sydney 09.50 Ayers Rock 11.45

On arrival in Ayers Rock, join the APT Uluru, Liru Walk and Sound of Silence tour (RLS3) stopping at the Sails in the Desert resort. Transfer to Alice Springs (AAT or APT U21 arriving at 6.30pm).

Fri 09 Jan

This morning check out of the sails in the desert for your transfer back to Alice Springs. On arrival in Alice Springs you will be dropped at your hotel. *** Hotel owns arrangements 2 nights stay required (we stayed at the Crowne Plaza in Alice Springs). Book AAT Kings ½ day Alice Tour and Red Centre Dreaming Experience Dinner. We also booked a Hot Air Balloon ride over the mountains near Alice Springs - fabulous!

Sun 11 Jan Alice Springs 11.30 Brisbane 14.35

This morning check out of the hotel and transfer to Alice Springs airport. On arrival in Brisbane make your own way to the Sebel Suites Brisbane for 4 nights stay.

Thurs 15 Jan Brisbane 16.15 Christchurch 22.35

Check out of the Sebel Suites and transfer to airport. On Arrival in Christchurch, transfer to the Ibis Christchurch for 2 nights.

17 Jan pick up hire car in Christchurch and travel to Twizel, stay at Matuka Lodge in Ostler Room.

To see - Lake Tekapo, Church of the Good Shepherd, Drive to Mount Cook for views and Sir Edmund Hilary Alpine Centre (fantastic). We tried to get a glacier helicopter trip but the cloud cover was to great.

18 Jan travel to Dunedin, staying at Glenfield House, Armagh Room.

19 Jan - morning trip on the Taieri Gorge train before travelling to Queenstown.

19 Jan - travel to Queenstown, staying at Crowne Plaza (upgraded to lake view room and breakfast included).

20 Jan - trip with Real Journeys to Milford Sound and overnight in Te Anau at the Te Anau Lodge (an old Convent). Evening trip to Te Anau glowworm caves.

21 Jan - trip and overnight to Doubtful Sound with Real Journeys. Fantastic!!

22 Jan - return to Queenstown, overnight in Crowne Plaza (upgraded again). Evening trip on the Queenstown Gondola and Kiwi Haka Show

23 Jan - drive to Franz Josef via the Crown Pass and Lake Wanaka, staying at the Westwood Lodge (Coach House Suite). We voted this place as having the best en suite bathroom of the whole trip.

24 Jan - early morning helicopter trip over the glaciers and glacier landing. A trip of a lifetime, well worth the wait.

Travel on to Hokitika, staying overnight in Kapitea Lodge (on way stopped for a river boat trip to a glacier lake). Kapitea Lodge had a wonderful spa and superb views.

25 Jan - Train from Greymouth over Arthur's Pass to Christchurch.

Overnight at Hotel Grand Chancellor (Ibis was over booked).

Mon 26 Jan

This morning transfer to the train station for the train from Christchurch to Picton. On arrival in Picton, make your own way to the Beachcomber Inn for 1 night.

Tue 27 Jan

Check out of the Beachcomber Inn and make your way to the Ferry terminal. Catch the ferry as foot passenger to Wellington. On Arrival in Wellington collect a car from the Ferry Terminal Depot and make your way to the Waitomo Lodge Motel, Te Kuiti for 1 night.

Wed 28 Jan - o/h does the Black Abyss Cave tour (Blackwater Rafting), I do the Waitomo Glow Worm cave tour and the Ruakuri Caves tour (staggering cathedral caves)

After the caves we head to the Heritge Rotorua for 2 nights.

Thurs 29 Jan - a relaxing morning at the Polynesian Spa for massages and the famous geothermal hot water pools.

An afternoon at the Devils Gate mud park - awesome!

Evening at the Mitai Maori cultural show and hangi (food cooked in the ground).

Fri 30st Jan - head to Auckland and return car to car hire depot.

Friday 30 Jan – Saturday 31st Jan: 1 night Auckland Crowne Plaze.

Saturday 31st January Bus NL7324 8.30am Auckland – Paihia (Bay of Islands) arriving 12.40pm for 7 nights private sailing Itinerary (return yacht by 12.00 noon Saturday 7th February).

Chartered through Fairwind Yacht Charters, Opua. Spent an active week on a Lotus 10.6, Different Drummer. Lots of excitement and sailed throughout these wonderful islands.

Saturday 7th February Bus GS7641 4.30pm Paihia – Auckland arriving 8.10pm

7 Feb – 10 Feb (Tuesday) - Auckland at the Crowne Plaza.

My o/h had a great day sailing on a New Zealand racing yacht, we both enjoyed a lovely dinner in the rotating SkyCity Tower restaurant, and planned the 5 week extension of our holiday.

Keep tracking the blog to see the details of our 5 week extension in New Zealand.

17 March – 20 March Essential San Francisco (Travel) staying at Sheraton, Fisherman’s Wharf (includes shuttle bus transfers to/from airport).

This was brilliant - it included a luxury tour of San Francisco including the Golden Gate Bridge, and a walk and dinner around China Town.

We also booked ourselves a trip to Alcatraz, walked around the fascinating Fisherman's Wharf, and met up with our Canadian friends who live in San Francisco.

Fri 17 March San Francisco 16.15 Heathrow 10.25 + 1 day
Saturday 21 March Heathrow 12.45 Newcastle 14.00

Home

Travel, Holiday, Australia, Sydney, Uluru, Ayers Rock, Sails in the Desert, Alice Springs, Crowne Plaza, Brisbane, Sebel Suites, New Zealand, Blackwater Rafting, Real Journeys, Christchurch, Twizel, Matuka Lodge, Dunedin, Edmund Hilary, Mt Cook, Glenfield House, Taieri Gorge, Queenstown, Milford Sound, Doubtful Sound, Franz Josef, Westwood Lodge, Glacier Helicopters, Kapitea Lodge, Picton, Rotorua, Polynesian Spa, Mitai, Devils Gate, Auckland, Bay of Islands, Fairwind Charters, San Francisco, Alcatraz, Fisherman's Wharf, Qantas, British Airways, Air New Zealand

Hong Kong Experience

2009-07-23T12:42:00.017+01:00

We spent 4 days in Hong Kong in December on the way to Australia and New Zealand. It was a long held wish of mine to visit Hong Kong, and it did not dissapoint.

We stayed at the Metropark, Kowloon, and my o/h's favourite was the absolutely fantastic breakfast buffet (thrown in for free).

Our favourite things:

Hong Kong Tour - we saw Victoria Peak, Aberdeen Harbour, Jumbo's Floating Restaraunt, and Stanley Market

Tram to Victoria Peak

Dim Sum - lots of small, tasty and unusual dishes

The Promenade - wonderful views over the harbour and the Walk of Start as well as the sound and light show in the evening

Star Ferries - an institution

Harbour Night Cruise - tacky but fun

Lamma Island - famous for fish, also a large expat community

Temple Street Night Market - East meets West!!!

Nathan Road, Peking Duck

Heritage Museum - great at any time to give you an insight into the being of Hong Kong

Hong Kong, Around the World, Far East, Dieting, Fatblogging, Travel, Holiday, Metropark Kowloon

151 Checks Over

2009-07-23T11:18:00.008+01:00

Ok, fess up time. I am 151 checks over for the week and already 3 days into the week. Given that I am allowed 65 checks a day, I have already eaten more than 2 days extra for the week so far. Unless I stop eating now I will never haul back on that, but I can try to remedy this in a small way. So here I go!

diet, dieting, Weight Loss, obesity, fatblogging, hypnosis, Andrew Johnson

Demons in my head!!

2009-07-23T10:51:00.015+01:00

Oh dear me, back at stop start again and the demons are back in my head again. I have not started my hypnosis again and finding control a difficult thing to get back into.

Fraid the demons have had me eating anything and everything and found myself going to the hotel shop last night and buying banana ice cream!!! I don't even really like banana ice cream but the voices just would not be silenced until 1/2 the ice cream was inside my tummy. This morning I feel bloated, lacklustre, fed-up, disappointed and have very ripe wind (a common side affect I find)! Good job my o/h is not here. Oh! If he was I probably would be in control and not out of control.

The day before I found myself losing the battle with the demons and eating madly on low fat soya crisps and all my small bars of chocolate for the week.

I work better with support from my o/h rather than on my own. Also, I am completely fed up, so give in to temptation far too easily.

I have work to be getting on with, but am lethargic and fed up, but for a change at least I am blogging and spilling out my terrible deeds.

Let today be the day that I finally get myself together to listen to my hypnosis recording and start to get my head and those demons back under control.

diet, dieting, Weight Loss, obesity, fatblogging, hypnosis, Andrew Johnson

Repair the damage!!

2009-06-06T13:05:00.005+01:00

Down after a brilliant holiday, fed up working away all the time, no stability until my o/h gets a new job and we know where we will end up making our home, getting time to spend together when we are not knackered all the time.

I have returned and gone into free fall, eating too much, drinking too much and feeling fat, bloated, achy and slow. Today I will vow to continue my long-term weight loss battle again - I have not given up, I have just had another blip, I will continue and succeed.

I must also get back to my hypnosis tape on a regular basis - like every day for 21 days without interuption. I tried, but could not keep it up, and look where it has got me!! Bigger than a long time, if I don't get control I will be back where I started!

diet, dieting, obesity, weight loss, fatblogging, hypnosis, Christmas, Andrew Johnson

Christmas Countdown Challenge week 4 update

2008-11-01T11:01:00.003Z

Wow!!!! At the end of week 4 I can report a total weight loss of 13.5 lbs!!! I am now under 300 lbs in total and well and truly back on track with following the Scottish Slimmers healthy eating PEP plus plan (I am just waiting to receive my PEP Complete plan which is new out).

I think I will definately be in that airline seat by the time we fly out to travel around the world on Boxing Day.

diet, dieting, obesity, weight loss, fatblogging, hypnosis, Christmas, Andrew Johnson

Downsizing

2008-11-01T10:44:00.002Z

I am downsizing more than just my body! We are making arrangements to empty our family home after all these years. My o/h and I are starting to make the mental break from this as home and look forward to becoming footloose and fancy free.

I won't say it is easy, because it isn't. I look forward to coming home when working away all week, but I spend so little time here anymore and it is a financial cost that I could divert to other things in my life - like travelling.

We were planning on what we would take with us to France, what we would give to the girls, and what we would skip/give to charity/car boot or leave in the loft when the house is let out. Letting go is so hard! I owned up to my o/h how sad I felt and he admitted to feeling the same, but said that when we were together anything seemed managable and he felt more right about our decision than anything.

Well, we have started on the loft today - emptying out nealy 30 years of possessions ready to put in other things we may really want to keep!!

diet, dieting, obesity, weight loss, fatblogging, moving,

Milestone on the journey

2008-11-01T10:40:00.003Z

It wasn't until I updated my ticker that I realised that I had reached another milestone on my weight loss journey, I found that I was 0.5lb under 300lbs!! It may still be a lot of lbs to lose, but that has brightened my day considerably and keeping reminding myself of that will help to keep my PEP head firmly glued on.

It just proves that little targets as well as big targets are important to us throughout this journey and if we keep achieving all those little targets we will reach the end of the journey and find that we have really been brilliant.

I read the winners stories on the website yesterday, and they do give you great inspiration. I cannot wait to get my January edition of Boost (which I will read when I come back from travelling in mid February). I suspect I will need inspiration when I come back from travelling, or I will have to book another holiday to look forward to and work towards!! This weight loss journey is a very expensive, if not mentally expansive, one for me!

diet, dieting, obesity, weight loss, fatblogging, hypnosis, Christmas, Andrew Johnson,

Christmas Countdown Challenge

2008-10-05T17:02:00.010+01:00

I have to get a grip of myself. I am now eating everything in sight again and have gained 1st 3lb over my lowest on this final push. I am not giving up. I am going to Hong Kong, Australia, New Zealand and San Francisco in December for a dream 7 week holiday. I will be under 20st when I go, I must be to feel good about myself and have a more comfortable experience on all those long haul flights.

Yesterday I set myself my Christmas challenge - to lose 22 lbs (2 lb a week) between now and Christmas - I can do it.

To help me I have started a course of hypnosis via my MP3 player from Andrew Johnson. I started this on Friday, so have done it twice, but you need to do it daily for 3 weeks then as needed. Watch this space, because after yesterday's session I have felt better than ever about now giving in to food temptations.

diet, dieting, obesity, weight loss, fatblogging, hypnosis, Christmas, Andrew Johnson

Oh Dear Me!!

2008-07-13T18:24:00.003+01:00

I must get back into control. Greenock was good for me, but Birmingham has left me out of control. After our wonderful Caribbean dream holiday I have not got back into my diet and so far have gained 12 lbs.

I must, I really must, get back into the diet and gain control of my eating. I must stop craving chocolate, luxury coffees, and cakes (sorry Starbucks, I fear I will be spending less there now).

diet, dieting, obesity, weight loss, fatblogging,

BVI's Underwater

2008-05-05T16:54:00.006+01:00

Click on the post title and you will be taken through to my youtube video photos from my holiday.

We have been back from the Caribbean for a week. I found last week really hard as I was straight back to work whilst trying to get back into my normal time clock - really hard!! Anyway, to make me feel good I have set up an underwater BVI photo video to remind me of how excellent the snorkelling is there. I hope it makes you feel as positive as me to watch it.

Walk my feet off (and my big bum)!!

2008-04-05T21:02:00.004+01:00

I am now working in Birmingham during the week, my consultancy at Greenock has come to an end. I loved working in Greenock, the people I worked with were great and the consultancy was rewarding and developmental for me.

Having only just started in Birmingham, I am still trying to get to grips with what I am there to do.

Now to the point of this post - the centre of Birmingham is more hilly than you realise. Everywhere I go is either up hill or down hill, and I have to walk between buildings and around buildings constantly!

This has helped to speed up my weight loss and tone up my thighs and bum - I end up feeling like I have done a work out every day. I might start to wear my pedometer more regularly!

Now I only have 2 lbs to go before I reach my 5 stone weight loss.

diet, dieting, obesity, weight loss, fatblogging,

Holiday Clothes!!!

2008-04-05T20:50:00.002+01:00

Because I work away from home during the week (now in Birmingham not Greenock) I only get Saturday and Sunday at home. This weekend is very busy as we are packing to go on holiday to Antigua and the BVIs on Thursday.

I have deliberately not tried any of my old holiday clothes (shorts, skirts, trousers, t-shirts, dresses) in case they did not fit and then I would feel rotten and go on a food bender.

Well, the weekend before the holiday arrives and I woke up at 7.00am and got all my old smaller holiday clothes out of the cupboards and wardrobe and tried them on. Only 1 skirt and 1 pair of trousers DID NOT FIT!!!! (They were a size 22). Everything else fitted, even some size 24s. I cannot believe it!!! I am so thrilled and it has been a real boost to me. Instead of breaking out in holiday mood and having lunch out I popped to the shops and got the ingredients for mushroom stroganoff instead (served on 1 slice of toast) - lovely (I add paprika and cayenne pepper to give it bite).

I did feel able then to go shopping for 2 more swim suits (because my top has shrunk I had to get size 24s), 2 t-shirts and another floaty summer dress, as well as a pair of Croks and Crok flip-flops. My feet used to be so swollen all the time that I could never get them on.

I was feeling a bit down that it has taken me over 15 months to loose almost 5 stone, but now I feel really pleased because that 5 stone has made a huge difference to me.

diet, dieting, obesity, weight loss, fatblogging,

My Easter Egg!

2008-03-24T18:57:00.003Z

Yes, I did have an Easter Egg. Eldest daughter bought my OH and me an egg each - a lovely Green and Blacks organic dark chocolate egg at 606 calories per egg. I ate the whole egg today to get it over and done with and to leave no temptation for another day. How good of me. Now I feel sick! Serves me right. Too much chocolate in one go, I am not used to it anymore.

Still, that is it for another year. I did count the checks in to my weekly total, so I will make up for it later in the week, expect a weight loss next Monday!

Please note, though, I bought my dieting daughters flowers and plants. Can I have flowers instead of chocolate next year please?

diet, dieting, obesity, weight loss, fatblogging, Easter,Chocolate,

Short French Break!

2008-03-24T18:23:00.004Z

Bonjour

I have returned today from a short French break to our house in the Limousin. Very cold, but lots of blue sky and sun with the occasional snow storm or rain which was over with quickly. At least the sun makes you feel brighter and less gloomy.

My brother and sister-in-law joined us for the first time to see the area and the house. For the first time the OH and I got the chance to just be tourists in the area and did loads of firsts for us:

- we were up and about early enough to see the whole of Brive market on Saturday, excellent, especially the covered market;
- we found the olive oil shop and the household gift shop, I feel a major shopping spree coming on for both of those for Christmas and anniversary presents!
- after lunch yesterday (lovely 5 course lunch in the local hotel) we drove out to Pompadour, home of the national stud for France, and stumbled (for the first time) on a 3 day horse eventing competition and got the times of the opening of the local château.

What a treat is was to see the place as a tourist and do so many firsts with our guests. A good time was had by all. They can come again.

My sister-in-law is a very talented artist and drew several sketches of scenes and a water colour of the primroses from the garden, which was awash with lovely colour.

I mainly stuck to the eating plan but built in 1 unplanned treat a day - delicious French desserts! Overall, I was better than I normally am. I shall await the scales tomorrow morning!

Ah, to tomorrow! My first day in Birmingham. I am full of trepidation and excitement. My friend is coming with me this week, to help her kick start her return to work after a period of sick leave due to work related stress and so that we can brainstorm together for her as she has a strategy to write. We are good at strategy, we can go back to our MBA days together.

18 days until Antigua - will I cope!

diet, dieting, obesity, weight loss, fatblogging, France, MBA,

Communication!

2008-03-16T16:15:00.004Z

Communication!

Easy to say, difficult to do. Talking, writing, blogging, emailing, or just showing communication by action - holding hands, cuddling, making a persons favourite meal. All of these are vital so that those around us know where they are with us, can help us, support us and be supported by us.

Why do I find communication so hard then? I have had 50 years of bottling everything up and only recently started to tell those around me how I feel, what I think, or why I do something. By bottling up grief, anger, fear, hate, love, disappointment, unhappiness or any other emotion, I find comfort in food. There is a point at which I could open up or eat. Since January 2007 I have been slowly turning myself around by opening up, for a long time with complete anonymity. This has made a huge difference to me. I can deflect a major eating moment, day or week more readily now by telling my OH what I am feeling, wanting, or thinking. Since last year I have also been able to share with the Scottish Slimmers Forum and my blog. Yet, at times of stress I can revert back to my shell and hide how I feel.

I find it so much easier to hide my thoughts and feelings and take comfort in food.

This last week has seen just that. Me reverting back to the old, uncommunicative, hurting person again. Why? I am facing change again. Another new consultancy project to start next week - new people, challenges, tasks, place to stay. It gets harder the older I get, and is made worse because I am not the fit, well person I used to be. I find myself feeling slightly resentful at my OH because the family rely on my money and I feel trapped into having to keep earning.

My fear and resentment kicked in big time this week. I thought I was coping well, I kid myself that I am looking forward to the new opportunity I am starting next week. I lied to myself. By Monday night the false happy front I had put up crumbled and I raided my suitcase for all the 'treats' I had packed for my 3 days in Scotland. Crisps, chocolate, biscuits, wine from the hotel bar, mars bar! Tuesday was no better. Trying to complete the work I had in order to finish the consultancy kept me working from 8.00am to midnight. I set myself little targets, keep working for another 2 hours and I could have chocolate, another 2 hours and I could have more chocolate and crisps, get through to the end and I could have wine, crisps and chocolate! Wednesday was going so well until I found that the trains home to England were disrupted and was left to trail between Glasgow stations and over to Edinburgh. I then found I was stood for 40 minutes until a seat became available. My knees, both crumbling with arthritis, were in agony and pain seared through my body, but I remained stoic. Then I hit food and wine big time when I got home. I have only been able to slowly start to bring the binging under control since Thursday, and the weekend has been better. Yet I am still not communicating. I am still hurting.

I want tenderness from my OH, but because I feel bad about myself and my lack of control this week I flinch away from him when he cuddles me. I get up very early so that I am not there when he wakes up. I don't deserve love, kindness and tenderness.

What would make a difference? Communication. Tell my OH how I feel. Share with him, and now my blog today, my worries and fears. Tell him the truth about how I feel and work it through with him.

I do not want to have to keep working away from home. I did not give up a job I loved in London in order o work away from home for months on end, I wanted to spend more time with my OH not less. My OH has been in a temporary contract until the end of March and was interviewed on Friday for a possible extension to the contract. 2 people were going for 1 contract extension of 3 months. I prayed and wished that he did not get it. My wish came true. That means he can travel with me to the West Midlands every week and we can be together. When we are together, even when I am working away from home, I can cope and carry on PEPing. Yet this was such a selfish wish.

I am going to make a resolution with myself. I am going to try even harder to communicate. It is a two way thing, if I communicate with my OH and family they will feel they can share their worries and fears and joys with me.

Food must not be the first comfort I turn to. Food must not be a comfort to me at all, it is only fuel for energy.

Telling those closest to you how you feel, what you want and sharing your dreams is vital. It helps them to share with you as well. Communicate with those closest to you, encourage them to talk to you, listen to them. Don't turn to food, turn to those you love and who love you. Friends, family, Scottish Slimmers Forum and my blog.

diet, dieting, obesity, weight loss, fatblogging,

Football!

2008-03-09T18:29:00.004Z

I went to my first football match in years today. The anticipation during the week was exciting! Getting ready for the match and walking up to the stadium with the hordes of eager supporters anticipating a victory to take us to the new Wembley Stadium gave me a frisson of pleasure.

It was a lovely sunny day with a blue sky which sent the spirits soaring, even though it was cold.

Within 10 minutes of the match starting everybody's hopes began to sink, except the away supporters! By the end of the match I knew why I had not been to a game in over 30 years - the anticipation soon flounders on the alter of bitter disappointment when your team lose, and lose badly because they forgot to get out of the starting blocks from the first kick off.

Oh well, back to snuggling up with a good book or an old movie when the OH goes to the match next time.

Oh, which team was I supporting? Middlesbrough, in the Premiership. Which team won through to the semi's of the FA Cup at Wembley? Cardiff, from the Championship!!!!!!

I did have one scary moment - I had to go through a turnstile! It went from ankle high to way above my head with close bars. You entered into what appeared to be a quarter circle space and pushed it round. About half way round I thought I was going to get stuck and face a really embarrassing moment - stuck half way round, trapped between iron bars, in front of 38,000 football spectators. Well it was my lucky day, having lost over 4 stone I pushed through and out the other side without getting stuck. As elder daughter remarked, who was following behind me, 'you couldn't have done that last year!' How true! I think I would have run the other way on seeing the turnstile last year.

I must remember the experience as an achievement for 2008.

diet, dieting, obesity, weight loss, fatblogging, football, Middlesbrough Football Club,

This Week - So Far!

2008-03-09T18:08:00.003Z

I still stumble when it comes to Wednesday and am heading home from Scotland! I get to Glasgow Central station and the Thornton's is just too tempting. Partly it is tiredness, partly it is me rewarding myself for coping again with another week away from home, partly it is me just fed up with living with pain and not being able so see a way out of it. As my weight has reduced I do seem to live with less pain, but then you get complacent and are less prepared for the next bout of arthritis pain.

Excuses, I know, I should just admit that I have low will-power, low resolve, and am still dealing with my ingrained desire to reward myself (good or bad) with chocolate.

No matter how much I plan for this weakness I can still exceed whatever I allow myself (I think that is part of the game we play with ourselves sometimes). You can plan for overeating but the devil in your head wants to be really naughty, not planned naughty. I will have to think of some new tactics to get over this because when I reduce my checks it will be even more difficult to maintain weight loss.

It has been a good week so far because I have not fallen out with anyone, been sick, felt the world was against me, or had to deal with stupid people. I really must look for positive reasons why I have good weeks, such as exercising every day (not), taking up a new hobby (not)!

I did have a real treat on Saturday morning (no not that!), I had an Indian Head Massage. Very relaxing and made me feel tall, long necked and slender for the rest of the day. I have booked a Reflexology session with the same lady for next Friday. I cannot wait.

I may go to Tia Chi next Friday morning as well, there is a class in the village. This may be my only chance to go and give it a go, as I may be starting work in Birmingham from Monday week. That will be mostly full-time (down Monday, back Friday).

I feel apprehensive about the Birmingham assignment. Have I still got the drive for the very senior position I am taking on? Have I got the stamina to cope with the travelling and walking? Have I got the willpower to cope on my own for another 2 nights? I will miss my OH very much, especially as we are renewing parts of our life that have been dormant for so long.

Oh well, I can only but try!

I will be getting a new Dietline mentor. My current lady is retiring. I feel, especially on the 2nd set of 12 weeks, that we really developed a good rapport, so I am concerned about starting to develop that rapport again with someone else. The other issue that concerns me greatly is that the new lady has different hours that do not easily fit in with my working week, if I cannot find agreement with her over the call in times I will have to ask for someone else. The older I get the less easily I find I cope with change.

Fingers crossed for a good weight loss tomorrow on weigh in day.

diet, dieting, obesity, weight loss, fatblogging, Indian Head Massage, reflexology,

My Week Got Better

2008-03-09T17:58:00.003Z

Although last week started out miserably with a tummy bug which laid me low up on Scotland, the week did get better when I went to the Scottish Slimmers meet at the Panjea Curryoke in Glasgow. Youngest daughter and I, both SS Forum members, wen and thoroughly enjoyed ourselves.

We made the trip up on the Saturday and arrived at the Crowne Plaza to find we had been upgraded to a Club room - lovely room, huge bed, free drinks and snacks in the Club lounge! We virtuously went swimming in the hotel pool and spa before getting ready for our night out. Getting ready included mini bottles of champagne we had bought at M & S in Edinburgh when changing train and a drink in the Club lounge, so we were very merry when we set off.

Although we tried to be diet good, we were not that good (alcohol seems to weaken the resolve!) We did dance and youngest daughter sang (I think that is what you call it anyway!) I think she me bribe me not to play the video I took on my camera to anybody though.

The great part of the evening was meeting so many people we have chatted to on the SS Forum and putting faces to Forum names. A great night was had by all.

Youngest daughter and I went swimming again in the hotel spa before setting off for home. We did go back to PEPing on the Sunday, but by then the damage was done. Weigh in on Monday found a 1 lb weight gain for me, so not as bad as it could have been (I think being ill during the week has something to do with it, but I would not advocate tummy bugs as a weight control or diet aid).

diet, dieting, obesity, weight loss, fatblogging

Fat Blob Worries!

2008-02-29T20:14:00.003Z

I am off to Antigua and the BVI's in April. I am looking forward to it, honestly. Except that I am really, really worried about how a fat blob like me is going to cope getting in and out of a dingy to get to the shore from the yacht when I am in the BVI's. The thought of it is really beginning to get me down and take away the joy of anticipation of the holiday. I wish I was more mobile. I wish I could have lost more weight by now, after 14 months. I know I am going to feel worse and worse as the holiday approaches, and all my OH keeps saying is that we will find a way to cope. If only I could believe that.

diet, dieting, obesity, weight loss, fatblogging

4st 7lbs loss to date!

2008-02-29T20:11:00.002Z

I have lost 4 st 7 lbs. Yipeeeee!!!! I am never going back, I may slip off track, but I am never, never, ever going back.

diet, dieting, obesity, weight loss, fatblogging

What a week - rejection, ignorance, sourness

2008-02-29T19:15:00.007Z

Feeling so low today. Had a rotten week. I arrived ok in Scotland (working away from home for 3 days, 2 nights this week). Was taken sick with vomiting and diarrhoea early on Tuesday morning (about 1.00am). Kept on being sick and then sick again. When I thought that was over and was about to head off to call a taxi to the doctors at the local health centre (where most of the doctors were situated) I then started with severe diarrhoea. Felt wrecked.

Tuesday was really windy and very, very wet. Got to the doctors, after a run around to get a doctor to see me and got a cancellation appointment with a very friendly and welcoming doctor.

Went to get my prescription (2 items) from the pharmacy at the centre but they are not up to current standards of accepting cards, only cash or cheques. I only had enough cash for 1 item and my taxi back to the hotel. They said I could walk about 10 minutes to the nearest shop, which had a cash point, just up the hill. JUST UP THE HILL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Crippled with arthritis in both knees walking is painful enough already, but a 10 minute walk up hill in gale force winds and pouring rain! Ignorant, stupid, uncaring. Those are the polite words I have for Miss Brainless - Witless at the Town Health Centre Pharmacy. During this time I was still being caught short with an urgent need to go for a watery shit since I still had not been able to get my diarrhoea medicine. Did the stupid girl not look at the prescription and realise what I was going through, or was her idea of a gale force rainy walk up hill for 10 minutes while I shat away her idea of a joke?

After a confrontation over the prescription, I could not take one item (the urgent item) and take the prescription to another chemist for the second item. In the end up I took nothing, I got my money and prescription back, called a taxi and went to shopping centre. There, I was able to get some cash from a cashpoint, go to a major high street chain chemist for my prescription and go to a tea shop for some dry toast and water so that I could take a tablet.

At the tea shop I met Mrs Nice and Mrs Sour Face. Mrs Nice could see I was suffering, and was more than willing to let me have a cup of cold water and a cup of hot water with my toast. Mrs Sour Face said I had to pay for the hot water as I could not have hot water and put my own tea bag in it (peppermint to calm my tummy and not irritate it). Mrs Sour Face never stopped being a sour faced scourge for the whole of my time at the tea shop (opposite the major high street chain chemist in the shopping centre, if you know the place).

Mrs Nice managed to slip me a pot of hot water and a cup, so I had my dry toast and a cup of peppermint tea, together with my tablets with cold water. 2 more trips to the loo for the still very loose shits though.

Following this, a quick trip over the road to Tesco's for some vegetable soup and a microwave meal (my dinner being in the fridge at work).

I got a taxi back to the hotel and hopped to have some calm, restful sleep. Unfortunately my room key did not work when I got back! More messing about in getting the room key made live again. Eventually I did get in my room, sleep, have my soup, and start to recover.

Wednesday was going well, but against my better judgement I had agreed to a meeting later than I should have done. The meeting went on past 4.30 which meant I ended up missing my 17.50 train from Glasgow Central. Just under a 2 hour wait at the Station followed.

Even at Glasgow Central I could not have a restful, peaceful time. I had to meet another stupid person! At a high street chain coffee shop there I asked for a skimmed milk hot chocolate. NO SKIMMED MILK!!!!!!!!!! WHAT SORT OF A PLACE IS THAT!!!!!!!!!! HAVE THEY NEVER HEARD OF HEATHLY EATING, LOW FAT DIETS AND CHOLESTEROL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He said what about a coffee, no, I said, I have given it up for Lent. He suggested I go to another coffee chain situated on the station, I did, only to find it was a stall not a sit down place. When I got back to the first chain coffee shop the lad smiled (sardonically). I asked for fruit tea and a low fat muffin. WHY COULD THE STUPID PERSON AT THE FIRST CHAIN COFFEE SHOP NOT HAVE SUGGESTED TEA WHEN I SAID I HAD GIVEN COFFEE UP FOR LENT AND I ONLY WANTED A SKIMMED MILK HOT CHOCOLATE - I AM ON A DIET!!!!!

Take note the Town Health Centre Pharmacy, the tea shop opposite the high street chain chemist, and the chain coffee shop - customer service is important - try harder as you are failing!!!!

As if the week could not get any worse, it did. I got the 19.50 train (the last train down that night to England) and it was slowed down by 40 minutes due to a broken down local train on the line ahead. By the time I got into Darlington at midnight I was tired and ratty. Within minutes of getting off the train my weak bladder was affected by the cold and I needed a pee urgently. Guess what, the week just got worse. The loo's were locked and there was nobody around to get access to the loo's!

The whole experience left me in a frazzled state when I went to Birmingham yesterday for my interviews. I think I did ok at them, I was beyond caring so I just gave them full blast me (not the nice, smiley me). I shall hear more next week.

Today I have been to the doctors for blood tests, picked young daughter up to take her to an interview and got lost (the directions from the company she was going to were appalling). I feel fed-up, ratty, tearful, miserable, low and just want to eat. I gave in to a low fat, low call (but delicious) Baxter's soup and a Ricotta and Spinach Cannelloni. I have also given into to mini chocolate Easter eggs, little low fat cakes, and crisps. All counted though! (Oh, I forgot the little bottle of wine as well). There is another confrontation story - the wine was labelled 'any 25cl wine 3 for £5), but it was wrong - it was only certain 'any' 25cl bottles that were 3 for £5.

I suppose the final thing to make me completely miserable this week is the rejection for ill-health pension. If I get worse I can always re-apply though (another trip to London). I could also appeal! I don't know how long I can carry on. Mentally, I am losing it, physically it is killing me. Maybe I should make more fuss at the doctors? I hate making a fuss though, I just soldier on. Maybe that is what is wrong?

Oh let me pick up for tomorrow. Younger daughter and I are away for a Scottish Slimmers Forum curryoke night. Have I got more challenges to encounter or will I just have a relaxing, uneventful time? Lets see!

Did I say, I did lose 1 lb this Monday though - so it is slowly coming off.

diet, dieting, obesity, weight loss, fatblogging

Never Give Up

2008-02-24T13:31:00.002Z

Never give up.

That is the best advice I can give. Even when you have a set back, a food binge, gain weight over a holiday or festive period, or for whatever reason, get right back on track again and carry on. Easier said than done, I know. It is much easier to just say 'to hell with it' and carry on binging, following your old eating habits. Why is that? I know that in the past, when I went off track, I was too embarrassed to go back and admit what I had done. That is why I am (was) a yo-yo dieter. When I was 22 I got within 1st 3lbs of target weight (with the old Slimming Magazine clubs - the group at Victoria, London). I went on holiday to Holland and Germany and came back almost a stone heavier (oh dear, no control). I gave up, through embarrassment, and did not go back. The weight pilled on again and by the time a married 3 years later I was 3 stone heavier.

The next major weight loss was in 2000, with Scottish Slimmers/Weight Management and I lost over 7st, but I gave up when I had a hysterectomy and never went back. This time I gained nearly 8st before starting again in January 2007. This time I am not giving up, it may be coming off slowly, and I may have my ups and downs (weight and mood wise) but when I fall off the PEP I climb right back on again the next day.

This time I am not going to give up! Don't you give up either!

diet, dieting, obesity, weight loss, fatblogging

Never Go Shopping on an Empty Stomach

2008-02-24T13:29:00.002Z

I have lots of life experience of dieting and a great deal of advice and knowledge that I can pass on to others. The only this is, I am not so good as following my own advice. On a regular basis I will share with you an experience we can all learn from, taken from my daily life where I have not followed my own good advice. Do as I say, not as I do!

Today:

Never go shopping on an empty stomach.

Why? Because when you do you will raid the nearest shop for high carb, high fat, high sugar, high calorie snacks you did not have on your PEP planner. Today I decided to go out at lunch time, to by the other half a ticket for the next away football match, without eating my lunch first. Lunch was no check veg chilli and no check tomato soup (quick to prepare). I thought I could manage until I got back. Instead I found the car taking me to Gregg and a piece of Christmas cake and a bacon and cheese wrap! Oh dear me!! Next time I will only go out on a full stomach, like you will.

diet, dieting, obesity, weight loss, fatblogging

Weekly Update

2008-02-24T13:01:00.004Z

I am now beginning to deal with my 'binge' eating on the days I am working away from home and away for 2 nights. I have planned in 2 days of 'feasting' and then reduce my check allowance for the rest of the week to bring my weekly total into balance. This has helped my lose 10 lbs in the last 3 weeks (4 lbs, stayed the same, 6 lbs). I 'feast' on the day of travelling up and the day of travelling back. The 6 lbs was this Monday, I am so pleased as I am now in a different stone - I am now 21 stone 10 lbs. A total loss of 4 stone 6 lbs - is that not brilliant!!!

On the day of travelling back I am usually very tired by the time I board that train at Glasgow Central and know that I will not get my tea until at least 9.00pm. The travel back day is when I allow myself sugary treats and crisps.

The weekends are not to bad as I am with my OH, which makes me happy, and means that I do not crave food. I have fun by experimenting with new recipes from my Scottish Slimmers cook books.

My shape and face are changing, I am so pleased.

Added to this, I have more energy and this week I actually went swimming on Friday night with my OH. I wanted to swim non-stop (aerobic) for 30 minutes, but could only manage 15 minutes. Maybe 30 minutes was too ambitious considering that it is years since I last exercised energetically.

I have also become more regular at doing my physio exercises to help my mobility. I do at least 30 - 40 minutes of toning and strengthening exercises for my knees and lower back 5 times a week. I think that has helped to tone me up in my tummy, bum and thighs!

My strongest motivation at the moment is to try and be as fit and energetic as possible for our pending holiday to Antigua and the BVIs. I am worried about how I will cope with walking around, coping with the hear, and (more worrying) climbing into/out of and around in the dingy to tender us to shore from the yacht in the BVIs. I have managed it before, but never at this weight. The nearer I can be to 19 stone something the better I will feel. This has really spurred me on. I just hope the holiday will spur me on more afterwards and not leave me feeling fat, frumpy, and humiliated.

To ring the changes to the Scottish Slimmers healthy positive eating plan I am following, I try to integrate a new recipe each week. This week it was Beef Chow Mien - brilliant. Last week it was Herby Sausage Balls and tomato sauce - tasty, if a bit faffy to make. I also fill up on the free soups, which have now become a staple everyday when I am at home.

I have several interim assignment job offers at the moment for when my current consultancy in Scotland comes to an end, but they are in London and Birmingham. I am afraid as they will be full-time for at least 6 months as they are all to fill posts that are being recruited to. If I find 2 nights away from home difficult, how will I find 4 nights. Also, each position will have to be assessed by me and my OH for ease of access - any great walking or stairs are still a major barrier to me. I am caught by needing to earn to keep a roof over our head until my OH has a permanent full-time post, and between wanting to concentrate on improving my health and spending more quality time with my OH.

And talking about quality time with my OH, for the first time in years I instigated our love making yesterday and felt brilliant and confident about it. Now that I am letting go of my anger and guilt I am becoming a genuinely happier person with more real confidence in myself. My OH loves the me I am turning out to be.

diet, dieting, obesity, weight loss, fatblogging

Achievement Targets - 2008!

2008-02-23T22:49:00.001Z

In 2008 I want to achieve:

- sitting in a theatre seat without spilling out either side and having me knees jammed up against the seat in front;
- continue to lose weight through to when I go to Antigua and the British Virgin Islands in April;
- continue to lose weight through to the end of the year, I can always hope that I have reached target but I think that is too ambitious;
- sit on a suspended toilet without the fear that it will collapse under my weight;
- feel I am ready, weight wise, to take the challenge of a holiday to India at the end of the year (this will depend on my weight loss success by the summer as I do not want to wobble my way around the sites of India);
- plan to take on the challenge of a 'cycle' challenge for charity in 2009 (like Fern Britton), as a school girl and teenager I cycled everywhere and loved it;
- plan to take on the challenge of Race for Life in 2009 in memory of my mum and dad, who both died of cancer;
- continue with my 30 - 40 minutes of physio exercises at least 5 times a week to keep my mobile (I have been much better at these recently)
- start to go swimming twice a week to help tone up and build aerobic exercise.

Ambitious or what!

diet, dieting, obesity, weight loss, fatblogging

My Years of Anger

2008-02-23T22:42:00.004Z

Let go of anger, it eats you up and festers away leading you to self loathing and negative feelings.

I have spent nearly 24 years holding on to my anger following the early death of my mother in 1984. The anger led me to having a difficult relationship with my eldest daughter as a toddler and child, as we had a baby at that time (1983) for the sake of my mother as we knew her illness was terminal and thought it would give her the motivation to live. It did give her the motivation to live another 18 months, but instead of being happy about that extra time I resented her death for years. How dare she die! I needed her, I was only 24 myself, newly married and with a baby. A baby I would not have had if circumstances had been different as I was not ready for motherhood, although I love my eldest daughter to bits.

I have lived with this unreasonable anger, eating away at me, hating myself for the anger over the years and almost 'punishing' myself for it by eating uncontrollably.

Grief counselling was suggested, and I went for 2 extended periods of counselling but I never let go of my anger.

So what changed?

Out of the blue last year I felt a great need to go to the Spiritualist Church in a nearby town. I called my friend and, spookily, she was trying to phone me at the same time as she had the same urge. We only just got to the church before the doors closed for the start of the service. We had been 3 times before since 2000 when my friend's dad died without ever receiving any message from the medium conducting an exhibition of mediumship. I gave it a try before because my dad went to a Spiritualist Church after my mum died, it gave him comfort.

My friend walked into the Church behind me and she was the last person to enter the Church. When we sat down, she nudged me and said the medium, who was greeting people at the door, followed me with her eyes as I walked into the Church. I felt that this time I was definitely going to get a message through.

My friend and I both got messages through that night, although not until nearly the end of the demonstration. There was no questioning, just a clear message from both mum and dad. The medium, who does not know who is coming that night or the names of anybody there as you do not sign in or anything like that, looked straight at me and said she had my mum with her. My mum went on to tell me that she had never wanted to leave me but her body was ravaged by her illness and gave up on her (after 4 years of battling cancer that was so true). My dad came through as well, although he had only died about 3 months before. The medium told me dad had thrown his walking sticks away, was dancing again, and said he had a lot of ailments. That made my friend and I laugh as dad would often regale people about all his ailments, but I suppose you cannot live to be 83 without loads of things going wrong with your body. He still had his mind though. The medium was spot on. Mum and dad met in a dance hall in Suckiehall Street, Glasgow and loved dancing all their lives. By the end of his days dad walked with the aid of 2 walking sticks.

I discovered when dad died that he had given up on his prostate cancer treatment to hasten his death, his choice. Although I felt cheated of another year or two with him I could understand that he wanted to be with mum and did not resent him that wish. His end message for me was that he was where he wanted to be and was happy, dancing, mobile and without pain again.

My friend got the last message of the service, and her message proved to both of us that the messages were genuine as they contained details that nobody else could know.

Since that Sunday night I have come to terms with my anger at mum and am now thinking of the positive times with her. I am happy mum and dad are reunited. Letting go of that anger has helped my to be more positive, live for today whilst helping my tomorrows, and like myself more. Being more positive has led me to being able to gain more control over my life and my diet.

Don't hold onto anger, let it go. If you are angry with a partner, child or friend always put it behind you before you go to bed. This will help you to wake up positive instead of angry and bitter in the morning. Anger turns in on yourself and can lead to overeating, among other things. Let go of the anger and make up before bed time, you will like yourself more in the morning when you wake up.

diet, dieting, obesity, weight loss, fatblogging, anger, Spiritualism

2007 Achievements

2008-02-11T19:19:00.000Z

In 2007 I set out to achieve the following:

lose 10% of my starting body weight;

keep losing weight through to June, when my husband and I celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary by renewing our vows and having our marriage blessed in Rome;

keep losing weight through to my 50th birthday in August, when I go to see Aida at open air opera in Verona; and finally

keep losing weight through to March 2008 when I go to the British Virgin Islands and Antigua.

I achieved:

In January 2007 I weighed in at 26st 2 lbs.

June 2007 - weight 23st 10lbs - loss of 2st 6 lbs. For my wedding blessing and renewal of vows in Rome I wore a dress that last fitted me in August 2005.

July 2007 - 10% weight loss (23st 7 lbs - 37 lbs). Just in time for my holidays I achieved my 10% goal! Every 10% you lose increases the quality of your life.

August 2007 - weight loss (36 lbs, I know, gained a pound but I had been on holiday since July!) I still had a fantastic time in Verona for my 50th birthday, and thoroughly enjoyed Aida - it was magical.

Additional achievements:

February 2007 - passed my Diploma in Body Massage.

May 2007 - passed my Diploma in Reflexology.

October 2007 - fitted into the airline seat without the extension belt.

December 2007 - 3 dress sizes smaller!

Achievements to come:

Due to the OH starting a new job we are going to Antigua in April, I cannot wait. I am nervous as I will not be a target, but there will be a lot less of me and that thought keeps me going as strong as ever.

Now I will have to come up with my 2008 achievement list - look out for it!

diet, dieting, obesity, weight loss, fatblogging

Extreme cleaning!

2008-02-11T18:21:00.001Z

We have visitors tomorrow, the house is dusty and in need of a good clean from top to bottom and I need to shift my arse and get on with it.

I keep the House tidy, I pick up litter behind me, I recycle newspapers and magazines so that they do not take over the house. I keep the kitchen and bathrooms clean, dirty kitchens depress me! At my weight, with my low energy levels, and working away from home 3 days (2 nights) a week in Greenock that is all I can manage.

Today I woke up and had the urge to see the house positively sparkle for our visitors tomorrow. We have not seen them in a few years and it would be a shame not to make an effort for them, and myself.

I had stayed the same this week (after moving the scales to about 10 different places around the house!) Maybe extreme housework is just what I need to kick start a more physical exercise routine? I do exercise, specific ones for my back and legs (due to arthritis and back ache) so they do not get you worked into a sweat with a pounding heart!

I did 2 hours non stop housework this morning, and another 1.5 hours this afternoon, then went to do the weekly shopping at the supermarket. Now I am completely knackered! Every bone and muscle aches. Oh dear, hope I have the energy to spend time with our guests tomorrow night now?

One weakness though, I found a Fry's Turkish Delight and a Battenburg cake in my shopping when I got home. How did they get there? Did I consciously or sub-consciously cry out for something sweet to re-invigorate my energy? I must have done. Just as I was about to consume the whole Battenburg cake my OH came home from work early and caught me, that makes a change! I ended up having half the Battenburg. I had already eaten the Turkish Delight in the car on the way home.

Yes, I have counted the checks, now I am living off NCLC free soups on Tuesday, Saturday and Sunday lunch to make up and no more snacks for me today. Over the last 2 weeks I have discovered that Feast and Fast works for me, I now have the ability to feast then cut back to bring my check total in for the week. I am not binging anymore, I am feasting!!!!!

diet, dieting, obesity, weight loss, fatblogging

Letting Go of Past Problems

2008-02-10T13:37:00.000Z

'Hanging on to a problem sometimes hurts more than the problem itself: isn't it time to let go? Especially if this is a one time hurt and the incident or accident you're grieving over isn't likely to happen again, the best thing you and everyone else can do is: forget it! What does it matter if it's in the past and you have so much to look forward to? Don't let what's gone before prevent you from enjoying what's in the here and now.'

My Russell Grant horoscope for today.

How true! I have been hanging on to a hurt that has gone back years. I was very disappointed that Mum and Dad did not let me go to Grammar School when I passed my 13 plus because they thought it was better to be top of a bad school (Torells Comp, Secondary Modern when I went), than bottom of a good school (Palmer's). My brother passed his 11 plus and I didn't, so he went off to boarding Grammar school, hence I say little of him for years as he often used holidays to go on school trips and exchange visits.

This hurt switched me off to education after my GCE's and the environment of the schools I was left at meant that by 16, with no boyfriend, I was going to be 'left on the shelf'. Many of the girls I was as Torells with were having babies before they left school. Gym-slip mum's they used to be called.

My feelings of self worth took a plummet and after that I would do anything to get and keep a boyfriend. I rushed into the first unsuitable marriage that came along, ditching boyfriends that were nicer people and treated me well for a morose, selfish, childish man who had a violent drink fuelled temper. Why, he was kind to me once, he needed a skivvy and a 'doormat', and he was occasionally nice to me.

The marriage lasted only 18 months, most of those I spent miserable and feeling trapped. Two things woke me up to the fact that I did not have to continue in a loveless (on my part) violent marriage.

1) My brother started at University in London (where I was living) and visited me. When he visited after one of my then husband's drunken rampages he was shocked, but said nothing. He upped the number of times he visited, often 2 or 3 times a week, and took me out. We went to the National Theatre quiet often, last minute standing tickets were very cheap in those days. Showing me what I was missing as a young 21 year old helped to wake me up to the reality of my life.

2) My then husband and I were going to enter into a 25 year mortgage to buy an ex-London Council property. I realised I could not face 25 years of drunken rages, escalating violence, childlike selfish behaviour with this man. I left. I went home to Mum and Dad. They never ever said we told you so.

One amusing thing in this sorry time of my life was the wedding present my parents bought my then husband and I - twin beds!! What a blessing they turned out to be after a few weeks of 'married' bliss.

Did I know what he was like when I married him, in honesty? Yes. He had already knocked me about, but I thought he was the best I deserved.

I had no self worth. I had carried this lack of self-worth through from when my brother's education was thought more important than mine. Yet that is too simplistic, as my parent's fully supported me in education and always encouraged me to work hard at school. They did what they did because they thought the change at 13, and having to go back a year at school, would have not been in my best interests. If only we all were blessed with hind-sight!

These feelings of low self-worth have carried on throughout my life and eventually led to me being driven to 'prove' myself, and keep proving myself through education and career. From the age of 30, when I became an absolutely driven person, my whole self-worth was based on getting higher and higher qualifications and progressing up the work career ladder. I needed to prove to myself and my family (husband, brother, father, in-laws) that I was as clever as them. Apart from Dad, I was the only person in my close family who had not gone to university. Sadly, Mum had died 6 years earlier.

Before I left full-time permanent work I ended up an Assistant Director of Resources at a London Borough Council earning 4 times the national average wage!

Educationally I had worked for, and gained a first degree, a Masters Degree and a professional accountancy qualification. I had 2 children under 5 at the start of my education/career path. By the time I was studying for my accountancy qualification I was working full-time, the girls were at school, and I was at at college part-time. During this time I also gained over 15 stone in weight - although the total weight gain is more than that, if you took on board the yo-yo dieting!

It took quite a bit of counselling to help me let go of my mental belief that I was defined as a person by my job and high salary, before I left my job. I am still getting used to that concept nearly 2 years after leaving my job. Yet I have never been out of work since, long and short term interim assignments - all at the same level! What did I worry about? I honestly don't know.

I learnt early on about never making the same mistake of marrying someone because they were 'kind' to me once. I have been happily married to my second husband for over 25 years now, although we have had our problems, it has not been a completely smooth path. The difference the second time around is that he treated me as an equal partner and supported me 100% in whatever I have done, and likewise I support him 100%. We have give and take, and compromise, but above all we have love and respect.

My brother would be mortified to realise that I was so hurt by the decision not to send me to Grammar and to let him go to boarding Gramme school. He has been so proud of my educational and career achievements, as has the rest of my close family. My girls have taken from the experience that they can live their dreams, and to never stop dreaming. At least I got one thing right, I did not hamper my girls with the same feelings of worthlessness and lack of self esteem that I felt for years!

Now I have to do what Russell Grant says, let go of that one hurt of 37 years ago when a choice was made by my parent's to leave me at Torells rather than let me go to the Grammar school. Hanging on to that problem has harmed me more than the decision my parents made in good faith. I have to fully let go of the problem and enjoy what is in the here and now. The here and now and my future happiness are more important than 1 decision made all those years ago.

At last putting this down is making me cry!!

diet, dieting, obesity, weight loss, fatblogging, wife beating, school, education, self esteem, marriage

Stop expecting miracles, like yourself instead

2008-02-10T11:14:00.000Z

There are a lot of diet and life-change 'sharks' out there trying to give us a fast miracle cure to weight loss. It does not exist, all weight loss is through reducing calories and increasing activity - even if you have taken the option of surgery (gastric bands/stomach stapling). I have yo-yo dieted in the past because I did not get to the bottom of why I overeat, why did I always turn to food when tired, stressed, upset, happy? Why did I see food as a treat, and I always wanted to treat myself?

I have had counselling which has partly unlocked the answers, and Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) has been discussed as an option once - as has medically prescribed diet pills (oralstat) and surgery. In the end up, for me, I did not want surgery, oralstat, or anymore counselling. My answer was Scottish Slimmers eating low calories, low fat, carbohydrates, and 5 fruit and veg a day. This is backed up by doing my weekly detailed plan of eating (counting my checks) and at the end of each day updating it for what I really did. I have kept these for every week, except holidays, since last January. When I have a day of going off PEP I still count the checks and look at why I have done it, what happened that day, what was I feeling, who upset me, what food did I crave and eat, what could I have done differently, how can I spot the signs the next time, how can a plan for it before it happens?

Bringing the issue to the Scottish Slimmers forum and my blog has been positive. Now, if I am at home and I know I want to binge, I sign into the forum or write a blog and 30 minutes can disappear as well as the urge to binge.

I am beginning to learn that a treat can be to buy myself flowers, a new shower gel, book a facial (I am too embarrassed to have a massage as yet), read a book, pick the phone up and talk to a friend I have not spoken with in a long time etc. It is not easy, it takes a long time to change the habits of a life time, but positive thinking and just re-reading the Positive Eating Plan (PEP) book on a regular basis, together with reading Boost (the Scottish Slimmers magazine), other inspirational stories, and talking problems through with my Dietline consultant all helps.

I am also beginning to like myself for what and who I am and stop expecting miracles, the weight took years to go on and it will take time to take off.

diet, dieting, obesity, weight loss, fatblogging

Be Honest With Yourself

2008-02-08T23:16:00.000Z

Be honest with yourself.

It sounds easy to say 'be honest with yourself' yet my experience as a morbidly obese person is that I delude myself, I am not honest with myself (even now sometimes). Lies we tell ourselves (and others):

I am overweight because I have a slow metabolism;
I am overweight because of genes;
I eat like a sparrow;I gain weight on 600 calories (24 checks) a day;
I remembered to write everything down that I ate and drank yesterday and counted every check;
I have been good with my diet today, nothing passed my lips that I had not planned to eat;
I do like myself;I only weight myself once a week, at weigh in day;
I reported my correct weight through to my Dietline consultant;I don't care what other people think about my body, I love it anyway;
I am happy.I am sure you can think of many other examples of ways in which we lie to ourselves and others, if not everyday at least once in a while.

I am overweight because I ate too much, exercised too little and deluded myself about what I was really eating. Example 1: when the girls were small they would leave their Easter and Christmas chocolate lying around the house half finished and expect it to be where they left it so that they could finish it off. It was always there when they were looking for it because I was careful to replace it after I had eaten the original.

Example 2: When I was on my own in the house I would raid the cupboards for anything I could binge eat on, toast, cheese, cakes, biscuits, chocolate (usually something bought for a particular meal later in the week) and eat the whole lot, then I would carefully replace it so that it was still in the cupboard when the OH came home from work/girls came home from school. I would tell them I was not hungry and skip dinner, trying to look the slimming martyr. I would be so full up I could barely manage a pea, let alone dinner!

Example 3: I ate like a sparrow in front of people (only able to manage small helpings) because I had binged on 2 or 3 boxes of chocolate, whole cakes and packets of biscuits when on my own. Always careful to hide the evidence.

Example 4: When I say I was always careful to hide the evidence, that is a lie as well. I used to hide it in my wardrobe and hope that my OH would find it and realise I had a problem. Years later he admitted that he did find it but did not know what to do to help me!

Example 5: I like myself, I take care of my appearance and always look clean and presentable with a cheerful smile on my face. Behind that is the dark days where I can barely get out of bed, let alone get washed and dressed. Whole weekends can pass my by in a state of miserable unwashedness, and I certainly don't smile. The harder I try to be cheerful, without a care in the world the more I come crashing down afterwards. That is not a person who likes themselves.

Example 6: on 3 occasions I have lied about my weight to my Dietline consultant because I was embarrassed, upset, felt I had let her down (and let myself down) about weight gains. That is my one new year resolution to myself this year, tell the truth about weight gains as well as weight losses. The daft thing is that if you lose that weight and more you cannot share the joy of the weight loss either! The madness is that I am talking about 2 or 3 lbs only! No more. The positive is that I am on my second set of 12 weeks with Dietline and am sticking with it and achieving success. I weight gain in the past would have seen me avoiding the class so that I was not confronted by my shame and the class manager. That would have been the end to the weight loss attempt. Not facing my weight gain shame has at least kept my going successfully with Dietline. Funnily, I never lied on my ticker - that would have been too much!

Example 7: I don't care what people think. Yes I do, very much. I have been abused in the street, called names, sneered at and commented about/to on buses and trains. I have been made to feel a freak, a 'less than person', a circus side show. There are a lot of very cruel people out there who feel they have the right to tell me what they think of my obesity. Every time I felt humiliated, hurt, upset, and would often console myself with food. I do not feel I have the right to make comments about other people unless those comments are invited, and I do not feel I have the right to make hurtful comments to anybody - I always try to be encouraging. It is a shame others do not feel the same, but yes I do mind those comments very much and I do care what others think.

You have to start to like yourself and keep liking yourself, warts and all, in order to successfully face the battle of dealing with 50 years of weight gain which has left you at 26 st 2 lbs.

diet, dieting, obesity, weight loss, fatblogging

Struggling!

2008-02-08T22:51:00.000Z

Oh how I struggle! This week it was Wednesday on the way back from Greenock and Thursday, sat at home. The OH has an idea of why, tiredness. When I am away from home I find it very difficult to sleep, so I have an early morning (Sunday) and 2 sleep deprived nights on my own. By Wednesday I am too tired to resist. I am still catching up by Thursday and still weak to temptation. Temptation on Thursday came in the form of a Lees Macaroon Bar (brought home from Scotland last week), 3 Tunnocks plain chocolate wafer bars, and 2 bags of crisps. It could have been worse!

Today I have save 23 checks from my allowance of 65 and am planning to save 30 and 20 respectively over the weekend to come in at 1 check over for the week.

It reminds me of an old Slimming Magazine Club diet I did when I joined the Victoria (London) lunchtime club in 1979 - The Feast and Fast Diet. I loved it, you could eat more on some days and were strict on others. Most times I was strict during the week and relaxed at the weekends, except when it was my time of the month (TOTM) and then I went with my eating desires. I lost loads very quickly on the Feast and Fast diet. If only I had gone back after my holiday to Europe (hitch-hiking with boyfriend, later to be my husband) around Holland and Germany. I gained a stone in 2 weeks and was so mortified I never went back - a very big mistake!

Oh well, maybe the OH is right, it is tiredness. At least I am starting to react like a normally slim person, I am compensating for overeating by cutting back later. In the past I would have given up and just eaten everything in sight for days and weeks until I had gained all the weight I had lost and more.

diet, dieting, obesity, weight loss, fatblogging

How I feel today?

2008-02-05T22:39:00.000Z

Oh dear, even though I have now lost 4st and feel more positive I still have to struggle each day, some more than others.

Today I feel tired, lethargic, fed-up. I miss my OH when I am working away from home soooooo much.

I crave crisps and chocolate but have only succumbed to oat bakes and 1 small bar of chocolate off plan, and know that I can now make it up later in the week.

Even seeing the change in my shape does not always keep me motivated sometimes! Daft, as you would think I could see the sense of healthy eating after just over a year and less 4st! Do I have an auto response in my brain that says eat to combat every problem? I must learn to spot the signs and keep coming up with coping mechanisms until it becomes second nature to balance the good days and bad days - like normally slim people.

Good job I only bought 1 bar of chocolate this week, unlike last week, one lesson that I have learnt.

Think positive, I am counting the checks (calories to non Scottish Slimmers) when I go off plan and dealing with it during the week now. That is a positive step forward.

I had pancakes tonight (M & S microwave plain pancakes). I had 4 with fresh lemon juice and sweetener. 9 checks (220 calories). Yes I counted them in. Now what do I give up, or commit to doing, for Lent?

diet, dieting, obesity, weight loss, fatblogging

4 stone loss!!!!

2008-02-05T22:35:00.000Z

On Monday the 4th February I am pleased to announce that I have lost 4 lbs after a bad start with the binge on Tuesday and Wednesday.

More importantly, though, I have now lost 4st in total since January 2007. I am starting to feel that I am really getting to grips with the dieting and am starting to get there!

Friends and colleagues are starting to notice, which boasts my confidence no end.

Now to the next 4 st, then I will be wll on the road to losing the 16st + I have to lose in total. I will get there!!!!!!

diet, dieting, obesity, weight loss, fatblogging

Review of 2007

2008-02-01T22:10:00.000Z

In January 2007 I was 26st 2lbs and now I am 4lb short of 4st lighter.

This week has not been so good for me. I was feeling lonely and fed-up on Tuesday, working away from home is difficult and getting more difficult for me. On the other hand, being at home is just as difficult but in a different way.

Normally when I am working away from home (in Greenock, Scotland) I find the routine an easy way of controlling impulse binge eating but this week I made the mistake of bulk buying chocolate on the Monday when I arrived in Greenock. My Monday routine is to leave the house at 7.00 am for the 8.03 am train with 1 snack in my bag and only enough cash to buy a cup of coffee. I arrive in Greenock about 1.00 and put my suitcase in the office and then head to M & S or Tesco's to buy my lunch and my dinners. I can store chilled stuff in a fridge at work. This week I also bulk bought Tunnocks wafers, Thornton's marzipan bars and macaroon bars. I think I was planning my impulse binge on Monday at the shops, although it did not start until Tuesday and continued on through to Wednesday night. I get home around 9.00pm on Wednesday night and my OH has dinner waiting for me, off the PEP plan. We had 'words' later when I insisted I was going to eat 2 twirls that were in the fridge.

I woke on Thursday to the thought that I could carry on or draw a red line under it. I have chosen to draw a red line under it. I counted the calories for the chocolate I had consumed (we count in checks in Scottish Slimmers), as I has meticulously written down everything that I had eaten, revised my plan for the rest of the week and will bring my overall checks in to within 20 for the whole week - not bad as I am on 65 checks a day. A check is about 25 calories

At home the most difficult thing to cope with is having the cupboards and fridge so near, and the time to pop out in the car to the supermarket. It is often more of a struggle on my days at home.

So what does all this have with reviewing the year?

It is snowing outside, I am snuggled up on the sofa watching Loose Women and feeling incredible weak again. I still have a macaroon bar in my unpacked work suitcase. I want to eat it, but I desperately do not want to undo all the good work that has been hard for me. So, I need to remind myself of how far I have progressed in the last year.

I started my weight loss programme, following my old Scottish Slimmers books, on Thursday 4th January 2007. What spurred me on:

- booking a holiday for March 2008 in Antigua and the British Virgin Islands (something long term to look forward to);
- celebrating our 25th wedding anniversary in June 2007 with a renewal of vows and wedding blessing in Rome;
- facing my 50th birthday in August 2007.

I have to admit that there were other reasons, some of which are not very pleasant. Other reasons included:

- wanting to fit into an air plane seat without having to have the seat belt extension;
- wanting to ease the constant pain I am in from a knee injury sustained when I tripped in June 2005;
- wanting to ease the arthritis pain I also suffer from in both my knees due to the wear and tear on my joints, which was worsened much more quickly following my trip and knee injury;
- being able to walk up and down stairs with comfort instead of dread; and
- lastly, but not least, I wanted to be able to wipe my own bottom. At 26st 2lbs with knees that would not bend easily, I had reached the stage where my OH was having to clean my bottom for me.

I had gone as low as I could in losing all dignity and I could take it no more. Having your OH carry out very personal tasks is not the basis for a marriage. Other aspects of married life were history. We were existing as two close friends, with one being asked to go beyond what you expect of anybody except maybe a carer not a husband.

So what difference has losing 52lbs (to date), nearly 4st, had on my life?

1) I fitted into a dress I last wore for my eldest daughter's wedding (in August 2005) for our June wedding blessing and renewal of vows in Rome.
2) I had the energy to cope with sightseeing in Rome, although I did overdo it with the Vatican and Vatican museum tour - I could barely walk after that.
3) I fitted into the seat at the Verona arena on my 50th birthday in August when we saw Aida, alright it was slightly tight but in January I would not have fitted into the seat at all. Yes we did book the expensive seats for my birthday and not the stone steps. We did go back 2 days later to watch the Barber of Seville from the stone steps, getting up and down the stone steps at the arena was difficult I admit.
4) By October I was able to just fit into the air plane seat without the extension belt, although I could not breath!
5) By the June I was wiping my own bottom, I had regained my dignity.
6) Having regained my dignity I was able to look further afield for my consultancy work, hence taking on the work at Greenock. This allows me to earn more but work less, which gives me more overall time at home with my OH.
7) It has motivated my 2 daughters to tackle their weight problems before they become critical, and both are doing well.
8) I have more good days when I can walk up and down the stairs without difficulty, the bad days of arthritis pain are fewer.
9) I binge eat less, it used to be all the time, now it is just now and again.
10) I am beginning to learn coping mechanisms and understand what makes me binge eat. This means I have longer gaps between binges and I eat less on a binge now.
11) I climb back on the Scottish Slimmers Personal Eating Plan straight away and carry on now, in the past 1 binge would have seen me go off the rails completely until I had gained all the weight I had lost and more!
12) I am learning to be realistic about what I can achieve and be happy with those achievements. I would have loved to have lost a stone a month and be 12 stone lighter. Who wouldn't at my size? Taking the route of re-educating my eating for life was always going to be the slow route for me as my size and arthritis limited my exercise.
13) I can walk for 30 minutes a day now and do try to do that at least 3 times a week, I combine it with walking to the shops.
14) Don't tell the kids (21 and 24), but our sex life has started again, albeit slowly. When you have success in losing weight you start to like yourself more and you are more confident. My OH likes the more confident person I am becoming who is starting to like herself. Liking myself shows in little ways - instead of staying unwashed and undressed on non work days I get up, get washed and showered and get dressed. It is much nicer for my OH to come home to someone who bothers about themselves.

How can I say I have a lack of confidence when I have had a very successful career and am now continuing as a successful and in demand business consultant? Easily, on work days I put on my 'work front' and jolly persona, I have been hiding behind this 'jolly' person for years as well as telling myself that it is not my body size that matter but my brain. This has been true to an extent, except eventually your body size impacts on your health or does not recover as well as it could have done from accidents. Body size does matter if you want quality in the long-term for your life.

Now I have got passed the urge to binge again, and am ready to go and cook my planned Personal Eating Plan lunch (tomato soup and mushroom stroganoff from the No Check Low Check recipte book) with 1 slice of wholemeal toast (3 checks only, 9 checks saved to make up for the binging). I will report a loss this week and I will learn to manage my binge eating.

Focusing on what I have achieved and how much difference that has made to my life has helped and, hopefully, keeping focused on the improvements to come will help me to stay motivated.

I hope my achievements and how I cope with problems as they arise helps you.

diet, dieting, obesity, weight loss, fatblogging, chocolate, 2007

Chocolate Raid!!!

2008-01-31T19:35:00.000Z

Oh dear, I went mad yesterday and Tuesday and had two chocolate over-eating days.

My first mistake - I bought multi packs from Tesco when I went shopping on Monday (I went shopping as soon as I arrived in Scotland to start my work up there this week).

I managed to eat 5 bars of chocolate on Tuesday and another 6 bars of chocolate and a piece of cake on Wednesday, the day I returned home from Scotland. I was feeling tired and sorry for myself as it is getting harder to spend 3 days a week working away from home, but needs must - it keeps the wolves from the door and the bills paid.

I did count my checks and keep PEPing (diet plan) as normal and my total extra checks in 2 days was 76. This is more than the total allowed for in 1 day (65). I have redone my weekly plan and hope to reduce the rest of the week before my Monday weigh-in so that I get a loss. This has gone really well today, so just tomorrow to get through on my own before the weekend. It is easier at the weekend as I am not on my own, but rattling around in the house when the OH is at work is difficult.

I will update you on Monday as to whether I gain or lose weight.

What have I learnt - don't buy multipacks of chocolates!

Occupy myself instead of sitting wathching TV in my hotel room feeling sorry for myself. I could always go swimming, as the hotel has a half price offer with the local leisure centre.

Try and keep more low calorie/low fat snacks around for the weak moments.

Try to be positive about the job, after all it is not for long now.

End of confession.

diet, dieting, obesity, weight loss, fatblogging, chocolate

New Year, New Resolution!

2008-01-19T12:01:00.000Z

The Christmas and New Year period meant weight gain for me but I started PEPing again once back from holiday.

I went up to 23 st but was back down to 22st 9lb last Monday and by yesterday I was 22st 8 lbs. When I updated my ticker I realised that I was 50 lbs lighter than when I started in January 2007 - whooooo!!

Well this year is onwards and downwards. I am not giving up, I will be a lot less weight by the time I get to Antigua (now in April rather than March do to the new job the OH started in December).

Well the year has started well with the 5 lb weight loss.

My only niggle with myself. I told my Dietline contact that I only gained 3 lbs, not 5 lbs (cos I felt very, very guilty). From now on I will stop feeling guilty and just own up, because I have shown myself that I can pick myself up, dust myself down and get back on the PEP (diet) again. This time I am not giving up, I am going to get all the way!!

Happy New Year, and may you loss be great this year.

diet, dieting, obesity, weight loss, fatblogging

A Quick Catch Up

2007-12-16T15:35:00.001Z

I have not dropped by to update my blog recently! Between entertaining, working half a week in Scotland and being ill for the last 2 weeks I just have not had my mind on blogging and dieting.

My lowest weight so far has been 22st 8 lbs, but this morning I was 22st 11 lbs. It could have been worse though as I have been slipping every day in little ways. In Scotland I find that the Lee's Macaroon bars are a big temptation. Also, with the other half starting work the Friday before last I was in Scotland on my own this week - oh dear me!! Temptation fell over me with chocolate, macaroni cheese (on the way home) and sickly cakes and M & S sherry trifles. The only saving grace is that I have been sticking to my breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks so that has minimised the damage.

Still, this weekend I have slowly climbed back on board the Scottish Slimmers PEP again and I do feel better for it.

On a more positive note - I bought my Christmas outfit last week and am 3 sizes smaller than when I started this campaign in January. Although it is coming off slowly, as least it is coming off and 3 sizes smaller (size 26 instead of 32) means that I can go to more 'normal' shops now and buy clothes (M&Co, Matalan) which saves me money. Alghough I am a regular purchaser of the lovely clothes of Evans, they are expensive in comparison to some other shops (although the quality of Evans is a given). Slim people can clothe themselves more cheaply - that is a fact.

We are spending Chrismas with our eldest daughter and her husband, together with our youngest daughter. A rare thing for us to spend Christmas in this country (we ar usually away in Europe). We are looking forward to it very much, as is our daughter who so desperately wants to entertain us. Because elder and younger daughter are Scotting Slimmers PEPers they are trying to keep the Christmas menus as good as possible to minimise the damage. If I can at least be 22st 8 lbs at the end of the holiday period I will feel a winner ready to dig in for the New Year.

I have slightly longer to get ready for Anigua, with the other half starting a job in Education Management (for a Local Authority) he has left behind his long school holidays. Due to the limited number of days leave he has between now and the end of March we have moved our Antigua adventure to April instead (his new leave year). I cannot wait, and the extra month should help with maximising my weight loss before we go.

New Year is being spent in France with a very old friend of mine and her partner joining us as our house there. It will be the first time she has seen the house, her partner (French) helped with the translation at the Notaire's when we bought the house. Given my other half's more limited time off from now on we will have to make the most of short breaks to the house, but any time there is brilliant as we so easily relax and feel our batteries recharging.

Well, that is all for today. I have to finish my Christmas cards, packing for tomorrow and work planning for Scotland. I am also trying to get the house back in order again, it so quickly ends up looking a mess!

diet, dieting, obesity, weight loss, fatblogging

A 'blonde' aged moment!!

2007-11-12T09:44:00.000Z

Oh dear me, I am afraid I suffered from one of my most 'blonde' and 'aged' moments this week.

When reading the recipe for low check cranberry and orange muffins I miss-read the recipe. The recipe stated 50g of granulated sugar, I read this for 50g of granulated sweetener. I had half a jar of granulated sweetener and started to add this to the ingrediants in the mixing bowl but used the whole amount and still needed another 15g of sweetener. The mixing bowl was completely full up by this time and I was wondering what these muffins would be like with so much sweetener. I took that moment to re-read the recipe and realised that it said sugar not sweetener!! Oh dear me, I had ruined the mixture I had prepared adding all that sweetener, and used all the sweetener I had in the house.

A quick trip to the supermarket and I started my baking all over again. This time I added the 50g of granulated sugar (not much in quantity given the densisty of real sugar compared to sweetener) and 1 level tablespooon of sweetener. The muffins were fantastic and a novel twist on Christmas flavours.

What have I learnt from this experience? I am getting old and befuddled now I have turned 50!

diet, dieting, obesity, weight loss, fatblogging, age, mistakes, growing old,

Nearly recovered!

2007-11-12T09:31:00.000Z

I have not been perfect this week, but I have been better than I feared at the beginning of the week. I always come back from France feeling low and wishing I could still be there. The low feelings make me reach for chocolate and crisps. I have succumbed to chocolate on 2 occasions this week but have managed to climb back on the Scottish Slimmers Personal Eating Plan (PEP) again.

To help counteract too many checks early in the week I have been making loads of use of the no-check/low-check recipes with huge success.

Hubby and younger daughter love the no-check soups I make and the younger daughter always takes a portion home with her for a lunch the next day! The curried butternut squash goes down well, but the favourite new one this week was the red onion and tomato soup. See my favourite recipe blog.

As ever, weight comes off slower than it goes on, but I am still able to post a weight loss of 5 lbs this week. Next week I will be back on the really losing trail instead of the yo-yo dieting.

As ever, a busy week with hubby at an interview tomorrow near Hull and up to Scotland on Tuesday night for the rest of the week! I do find being away from home has been easier to cope with than I thought and I have less access to tempting food (chocolate and crisps for me). Because I am away concentrating on work I think about food less. Marks & Spencer's count on us range is my saviour when I am away from home, both for lunch, snacks and my main meal - together with the microwave available at the hotel.

Look for a good weight loss next week.

diet, dieting, obesity, weight loss, fatblogging

Set Back

2007-11-09T10:09:00.000Z

I coped really well with the going on holiday and the potential nightmare of the help yourself dinner and breakfast buffets on the P&O boat from Hull to Zebrugge, and thought I was coping well with my strategy in France.

My strategy was to use every day bonus food for breakfast (0% fat yogurt and fruit) and zero check lunches (vegetable soups) with a slice of bread. I did treat myself to a lovely pastry each day after my Scottish Slimmers PEP dinner.

We did eat out on the Thursday - at the lunch in the village square. We had a soup, boudin noir and apples, pork and chestnuts, cheese, and apple tart with wine, french bread and coffee. We also eat out on the Friday for lunch and the Saturday for dinner (in Calais as we were on our way home).

I think the Calais dinner probably did the bulk of the damage as I had a 4 course dinner which was a heavy meal: 2 pate starter, mussells in white wine, chicken in red wine (half a chicken) and fruit tart. We obviously had wine and coffee. My stomach felt so heavy afterwards I could not sleep!! Served me right!!

When I weighed myself on the Monday for my phone in the scales hovered between 6 and 7lbs gain - I took pity on myself and took the 6lb gain reading. The good thing is that I did phone my dietline and admit my gain, I did not run away from it.

I have learnt that I cannot let up at all on myself and must learn to cope with social and out of the ordinary situations. Even better planning!

After 2 days in the car travelling back from France my legs and knees were swollen and uncomfortable, so some of the weight gain is water retention but this was not helped by travelling up to Scotland the very next day for the start of my working week.

I did not cope so well at the beginning of this week - Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday were bad days for extra checks (all counted though). My downfall? Chocolate - Frys Orange cream bars, Lees Macaroon bars and plain Bounty bars! I went looking for the Lees Macaroon bar and stumbled across the Frys Orange bar (which you cannot get in England). The Lees Macaroon bar reminds me of being a little girl growing up in Scotland and was always an extra special treat - I wanted to treat myself.

I always find it hard coming back from holiday. I love our French house so much and really just want to stay there to make my life, but financial instability makes that just a dream. By Thursday (yesterday) I found I was back on track and starting to feel more positive again. This is helped by hubby having an interview lined up next week, so things may be looking up financially for a change. If hubby gets a good position then I can drop my working down and get back on track to study my holistic therapies - my next course I want to do is Indian Head Massage.

Lets hope that the pounds are dropping again by next Monday.

diet, dieting, obesity, weight loss, fatblogging

Dietline success on-going

2007-10-29T09:53:00.000Z

I have now lost 13 lbs since joinin the Scottish Slimmers Dietline, where you phone or email your personal dietline advisor and can get 1-2-1 advice and guidance from your own dedicated adviser. The support forum is also an excellent way of gaining extra support.

This week, despite being on holiday in France I have lost 3 lbs. I give myself one lovely foodie treat a day instead of my usual snack to make the treat really special. I am also not abstaining from eating out in the lovely restaraunts nearby, but you will find the French have a generally very healthy diet and lifestyle. To help I use my every day bonus (fat free yogurt and fruit) for breakfast and a snack (thus saving checks) to help with eating out and the daily treat.

I am beginning to feel really good about myself and have noticed the weight loss in my changing shape, smaller clothes sizes and slimmer face.

diet, dieting, obesity, weight loss, fatblogging

My History - Growing Up, Government Fight Obesity!!

2007-10-14T08:49:00.000+01:00

Today the government announced that obesity would become a national problem in the next 15 - 20 years and more had to be done to tackle it. They also said individuals had to take some of the responsibility.

That is all well and good, but the reasons for obesity are varied and complex and a one size answer will not fit all.

Even as a teenager I was always on the larger side, not overweight then but size 14 where I grew up in Essex (where we moved to after Scotland) was large. At the time I swam for Thurrock and Essex at a County level, which involved training 5 days a week and 1 night a week. I was up and cycling to the swimming pool (from Chadwell St Mary to Blackshots) at 6.30 every morning and would then cycle on to school. Exercise was not lacking throughout my school life as I either swam almost daily or cycled everywhere. Yet I was still considered big in an area where many of my school friends (and school bullies) were stick insects and did not exercise at all. Why was that?

My mother was Scottish and my father was from Somerset, so we had a strong tradition of hearty meals in our house. Plenty of mince, stews and vegetables (piles of mashed potatoes and swede). We did not have puddings but I would snack after school on bread and jam. As a good Scot, I did like my sweet things - Lee's Macaroon bars and chocolate covered marzipan. If I was a really good girl my parents would take me to a sweetie heaven shop in Glasgow (near Maryhill) and buy me a huge chocolate covered marzipan bar and a large 'homemade' chocolate covered macaroon bar. I could make myself sick eating it all.

You have to understand the Scottish and Scotland, it is a beautiful country but most people lived in grey or red sandstone tenaments in a grey world most of the time. As a child of the 60s in Scotland I rarely saw any sun, I had to travel to England (Somerset to see my grandparents) to see the sun. Scotland did, and still does, have the most beautiful scenery of anywhere in the world though. When we moved to England, firsly Kent for a few months and then Essex, I struggled with being an outsider for years and developed into a lonely person on the inside who was the class clown on the outside. Being the class clown deflected the worst of the bullying I was subjected to until I bagan to fight back and the bullying stopped.

My older childhood was lonely because my brother went off to a termly boarding Grammar School, and over the years came home less and less as he went away with friends during the term end holidays. My brother was 19 before I started to get to know him again in London. By then he was at university and I was married to my first husband (who was handy with his fists from time to time). During those teenage years I went to the local Secondary Modern school, which later became a Comprehensive school.

So where does this lead to - I grew up eating hearty home cooked food and learnt from an early age that special treats come in extra sweet chocolate covered wrappings!

Throughout my life, happy or sad times have been accompanied by extra sweet chocolate covered treats to help me get through.

Depression, self loathing, a feeling of being worthless and useless, remorse, grief and guilt have been with me since my late teens and I have never been able to fully deal with those feelings. I work extra hard to try and earn good feelings about myself, but no matter how successful I am (and I have been very successful) I still come back to a lack of self worth and torturing myself with guilt over everything I should have done or should have said. How do I cope with continually feeling worthless, useless, guilt-riddent and carrying my grief - I give myself treats of chocolate of course!

By Thursday night as I travel home from work I am normally very tired, fed-up and in need of a treat - a Bounty Bar usually finds its way into my hand and mouth (the nearest thing to Lees Macaroon bars in England). I often find that I have eaten a Mars Bar as well, an instant sweet boost.

Do I need help to cope with my sweet addiction, because it is an addiction? Or do I need help with breaking the cycle of treating myself, on good and bad days with sweets? Or do I need help with learning to deal with my self-loathing, guilt ridden, grief? I have tried counselling 3 times in the past, but fear of what I will find at the end has always stopped me going for further long-term counselling.

I do know this, I am very, very unhappy weighing 23st and just want to be normal - whatever that means.

dieting, weight loss, diet, obesity, fatblogging, depression, Scotland

Another losing week!

2007-10-09T20:23:00.000+01:00

After a stay still week last week, I have lost 4 lbs this week and have lost 3 st in total since the summer holidays.

The Scottish Slimmers dietline has certainly kicked started my losing efforts!

I have coped with my problem times when I am tired and just want to raid the nearest chocolate shop by planning ahead and ensuring I have sweet snacks and a low calorie chocolate drink to hand. That has made a huge difference.

I am also coping working away from home, but look out for next week to see if I get the weight loss again.

diet, dieting, obesity, weight loss, fatblogging

On the losing trail again!

2007-09-24T19:38:00.000+01:00

I started on the Scottish Slimmers Dietline last Monday and, apart from 2 blips during the week which I made sure did not ruin the whole week (and diet), the week has gone well. I always feel better in myself when I have a good week, not just from the weight loss but because I have the 'buzz' of feeling in control.

Well, I will keep this short tonight - I have lost 2 lbs this week, 38 lbs in total. Only another 192 lbs to go. I will get there!! In the meantime I will keep focused on Antigua.

diet, dieting, obesity, weight loss, fatblogging

Post Summer Holiday

2007-09-22T21:30:00.000+01:00

Well, after a summer in France and Italy I came back 3lb heavier. Within 2 weeks I managed to lose 2lbs, although I was not really trying very hard. To give my dieting a boost I have joined Scottish Slimmer Dietline - a telephone, e-mail or letter dieting support service. I attended Scottish Slimmers in 2000 (and after) where I was very successful in losing weight, just not successful in keeping it off.

I received my pack of support books, with the Positive Eating Plan, daily checker, eating out guide and other support information. My dedicated dietline support advisor phoned on the Friday to check it had arrived and agree my weekly support time - Monday's. On the Monday I duly measured my bust, hips and waist, stood on the scales and provided this information to my advisor. We discussed my past slimming history, what and why I wanted to lose weight, and how I was going to organise myself to get there this time. I phone through this Monday for my first weight loss report.

I have only had 2 wobbles this week, on Thursday I was so tired I gave into chocolate and crisps on the way home from work and on Friday I felt like a treat for lunch so we eat out in the village at a new cafe. Never again there, it took 55 minutes to serve us a panini and lasagne (mine)! The wobbles were small wobbles and did not become all out binges, I was soon back on track.

My excuse was the utter tiredness I am feeling from starting in my new consultancy position at a major northern council, which involves getting up at 6 every morning to ensure I get the train ok. The travelling time to and from work is 3 hours a day and is exhausting, especially after a long holiday. The only perk is that I have been able to read my novel on the train there and back, a real treat as I love reading and it stops me from eating normally.

I am reading the 'Other Side of the Bridge' by Mary Lawson, excellent. Over the holiday I read her first novel 'Crow Lake', do read it if you can, I was crying with happiness and sadness at the end of it.

Youngest daughter is living with us for a short time (money shortage until uni starts again) and has brought her cat home with her. I would never have called myself a cat lover before now, but I do find myself very, very fond of Turk (yes, called after the character in Scrubs). Friends who know me well are amazed.

We do have a stressful week next week - I have an interview for a major position that I would very much like to get. The position would give us financial security for several years, help me to achieve my dreams, and is the culmination of my career. Trying not to let the interview get to me, and stay in control of my eating is very difficult but I must try hard. Hubby is travelling down with me to give me moral and physical support (stop me from eating everything in site)! Watch this space!!

More on the French/Italy holiday to follow - in Italy I was watching Aida at the Verona Arena on my 50th birthday, which was absolutely magical. A wonderful setting, but more on that in a future blog.

diet, dieting, Dietline, Scottish Slimmers, Birthdays, Verona, Mary Lawson, Crow Lake

Rome - Day 6

2007-09-22T21:13:00.001+01:00

Our last day. Packed and breakfasted, we headed to try and get a taxi to the Villa Borghese and Park Borghese. We eventually got a taxi but it was more expensive than we expected/should have been. Watch out for Roman taxi drivers! We did not let it spoil our last day too much though.

The Villa Borghese is an eye opening small and manageable gallery, which you have to pre-book for a 2 hour slot. It was the summer home of a cousin of a Pope, the Cardinal Borghese made the Villa into a mini Vatican Museum. Cardinal Borghese appears to have been a greedy and jealous man who coveted the power and wealth of the Pope and set out to copy what he had, and sometime bought what the Vatican rejected (Caravaggio’s). We managed to get on the 11.00am English language tour with a museum specialist guide, this is highly recommended and brings the whole museum to life. The most memorable exhibits in the museum were the statues, which the guide brought to life. You could see the hard and soft textures the artists were sculpting. The Villa is set in a peaceful park which gives you a sense of calm to walk through, even though these days it is now very much a part of Rome.

After a coffee and cake to refresh us (quiet expensive) we walked from the Villa to the Spanish Steps, thankfully down steps and not up, to lunch again at the Otello alla Concordia again. This time, remembering us, they offered us an outside terrace table, but due to the heat we preferred the tinkling water background of the air conditioned covered terrace. Again, we followed this with a wine at the (L’) Enoteca Antica.

Sadly we headed back to the Residenza for a final pot of tea and taxi to the bus station. If I was fitter I would head for a bus, but had to take the taxi instead. As the Residenza booked the taxi you pay from when the taxi leaves the office and due to the traffic he had 8 euros on the dial before he arrived! Although this taxi was less costly than our first taxi! I would, another time, look at using one of the taxi companies recommended on Tripadvisor, for 2 people we could have done a return to the airport for about 65/70 euros. Sadly, I think it is just a rip off world sometimes. In the heat and with my knees the taxi was the best option for us. We did leave it rather late though, and had missed the airport bus we should have got. The bus we took went a long way round via another pick up point and got held up by the slow moving motorway traffic, we only just made check-in but got assisted loading for the plane so were able to board the airport bus first. In the end up it made little difference, as they filled up the 2 buses and the second bus arrived at the plane first!! We got good seats on the plane because hubby dived straight on and beat the hordes.

The plane was held up, so we were about 2 hours late in departing (the children had been an hour late in departing, making their wait at the airport even longer). A good end to the holiday – the seat belt fitted without the need for a lap extension! All the walking I did had knocked pounds off of me.

Post Holiday

Would we go back to Rome again? Yes, without doubt. I would go back to the Vatican Museum for an afternoon entry, although hubby is less keen on returning to the Vatican museums but would love to return to Rome.

Guide books:

The AA Pocket Guide to Rome
Rome and the Vatican, Lozzi Roma edition (available in Rome)

diet, dieting, Rome, marriage, wedding anniversary, travel log, family, Residenza Cellini, Rome Restaurants,Rome hotels, Rome walking tours,
Rome taxis, Rome museums, Villa Borghese

Rome - Day 5

2007-09-22T20:55:00.000+01:00

Today, after a late breakfast, hubby and I headed to St Peter’s to get the Christian Rome yellow tour bus for the Line B tour, going out of the city and around the catacombs. This bus took us to the more working class and lived in parts of Rome, as well as taking us to the top of one of the seven hills surrounding Rome. A fantastic view! Hubby grabbed a baguette to eat for out lunch as we travelled on the open deck of the bus, and I had bought a hat to wear to save getting sun stroke again. We filled up our water bottles at the water fountains near the Vatican. Well prepared!

Although I did not know this at the time, hubby told me later that when we walked from the bus stop to the Christian Rome stop outside St Peter’s Square, we were targeted and followed by a dodgy character who had is eye on our bags. Hubby made him aware that he has spotted him and took extra care to protect me and him from a bag snatch. The man eventually got the message and disappeared.

Bag snatching is something to watch out for in Rome! Beware and be aware.

An interesting note, when we arrived at St Peter’s Square the Pope’s audience had just finished and thousands of people were heading away. Among those thousands were several brides and grooms in their full wedding dress, even in the heat of Rome. In fact, every site you went to in Rome: the Coliseum, the Spanish Steps, St Peter’s, the Forum, and others, we saw brides and grooms being followed by video camera’s and photographers whilst they had their wedding portraits taken on their wedding days. They travelled between the sites in their wedding day car. We had never seen anything like it before. We first saw it happening as we first arrived in Rome by taxi (Rome - Day1) and passed the side of the Coliseum, with at least 3 bride’s and groom’s having their photos taken.

At the end of the bus tour we bought postcards from the Vatican post office and posted them from there in order to get the special Vatican post mark, and bought the tea-towels for the girls before heading up to Piazza Navona for ice cream and iced coffee from an interesting gelateria near Pace 44. The gelateria was full of fresh fruit. From here we walked up to the Pantheon to join the 7.00pm free tour of the Pantheon with Angel Tours. The Pantheon tour is part of another, longer, tour by Angel Tours. The Pantheon was the highlight of the trip, in many ways, for hubby. The structure, design, and wonder of how the building stands impressed him. We had already seen much of the wonderful bronze from the Pantheon already in St Peter’s. In fact you see much of the historic and wonderful artefacts of ancient Rome in the Vatican Museums and St Peter’s.

Afterwards hubby and I headed up to a small, expensive, but excellent romantic restaurant nearby called Il Bacaro at Via degli Spagnoli 27, near to Largo di Torre Argentina. We sat inside, mainly because we were a bit scruffy still wearing the clothes we had started the day in! We had not had the time to go back to the hotel and change for the evening, which we usually did. Also, before I sit on their outside chairs I would like to be a very much smaller me. The meal was outstanding, a place to definitely come back to. After making our reservation for the dinner we had 30 minutes to occupy, so went around the corner and had wine and nibbles at a nearby wine bar sitting out an enjoying the ambiance and warmth.

After dinner we walked to the Trevi Fountain, then headed home. You can hear the Trevi Fountain before you see it, the pounding of the water dominates the nearby streets. At any time of the day the Trevi is a magnet for tourists, but is still a wonderful site. Sore feet and being very tired meant that I found the walk to the bus stop and wait for the bus very, very tiring. We tried to get a taxi but found them very, very expensive, but not as expensive as the next day! 9 euros for a 5 minute journey would seem cheap!

diet, dieting, Rome, marriage, wedding anniversary, travel log, family, Residenza Cellini, Rome Restaurants, Rome hotels, Rome walking tours, Angel Tours, Trevi Fountain, Rome taxis,Christian Rome

Rome - Day 4

2007-09-22T19:42:00.000+01:00

Today was a very early start with breakfast at 7.00am and then heading up to Piazza Del Risorgimento for a meeting at 8.15am by the green newspaper stand, opposite side of the footlocker store. Here we met the group organised by Romaroundtours for the Vatican Museums early morning tour. The girls were both able to benefit from the under 25 discounts as we had brought copies of their passports! The group was so large we were split into 2 and we went with Emma, a lovely and gentle Irish girl – ours was the smaller group.

Getting into the Vatican took ages, the group tour entry was extremely poorly organised with only 2 girls issuing the headsets needed to hear the tour guide. What made it worse was that Tuesday turned out to be the cruise ship guide day, the place was packed beyond belief! Fortunately, we were going to see the Raphael rooms (highly recommended), which the cruise tours missed out to rush around the Vatican Museums. You need to dress respectfully (knees and shoulders covered) and remember to take plenty of water and fill up at the water points in the toilets on the way through. The Sistine Chapel was as stunning as we were led to believe but the organisation of the museum leaves a lot to be desired.

St Peter’s Basillica, also included on the tour, was staggering. Words could never do it justice.

We rushed back to the termini and had lunch at a place nearby, the Washington. This turned out to be expensive for the mediocre quality, although the service was friendly enough. Hubby and youngest daughter collected the cases and we saw the children off on the airport coach. Only afterwards did I realise that I got my timings wrong and sent them 3 hours before check in and not 3 hours before the flight time, for a 1 hour coach ride!! How silly, as we could have had a chilled lunch near the Vatican at a small and reasonable priced recommended eatery! Oh well.

After sleeping for the rest of the afternoon hubby and I headed out by bus and headed back to Piazza Navona and Pace 44 for dinner before very tiredly heading to the Residenza for a well earned rest and sleep.

Just a note on what could have been a bad incident. As we were heading away from the Piazza Navona back to Corso Vittorio Emanuele, via a quiet side street, a moped rider with passenger came towards me. The passenger reached out to grab my bag (around my neck, so it could have been a nasty time for me) when they realised that I was with someone (hubby was on the other side of the small street from me) and veered away from me. Hubby was in a position to push the moped rider and passenger off their moped and cause them some injury so, luckily, they thought better of attacking me for my bag.

diet, dieting, Rome, marriage, wedding anniversary, travel log, family, Residenza Cellini, Rome Restaurants,Rome hotels, Rome walking tours, Romaroundtours, The Vatican, The Vatican Museums, The Sistine Chapel, St Peter's

Rome - Day 3

2007-09-22T19:28:00.000+01:00

Today hubby and I have been married for 25 years and were renewing our vows before God in All Saints Church, Rome, which is an Anglican Church. The Church is near the Spanish Steps. With only the 5 of us it was a very moving and personal service. I wore the lovery silk coral flower print dress and coral linen jacket I had for the eldest daughters wedding 2 years ago. The eldest daughter wore the dress she had for the wedding of some friends last year, and youngest daughter had a new strapless dress for the occasion. We all need to shift some pounds!!

Sara, the Assistant Curate, conducted our service after spending some time talking to hubby and I about ourselves. We took Communion after the service. Hubby and I, and the family, were crying after as our emotions welled up. Hubby said that he felt different, which he had not expected. Our marriage is stronger than ever, and adversity seems to bring us together rather than divide us. I know I could not face life without him, my life is complete with him.

The girls bought me 3 red roses to hold for the service.

After the service we headed to a nearby, slightly hidden, restaurant in the Via della Corce 81 called Otello alla Concordia. A fabulous meal was had by all in the air-conditioned covered terrace to the sound of the flowing water fountain. The water fountain was covered in delightfully colourful array of fruit and vegetables. The Residenza had booked a table for us, so we were expected. To get an outside table, where important people sat, you have to be known and book early. As it was, it was so hot that we preferred the covered terrace as the air conditioning was very, very welcome.

After lunch we headed to the (L’) Enoteca Antica at Via della Corce 76b for wine. Youngest daughter picked a lovely slightly sparkling and sweet muscadet. You can eat here as well, and I would another time. It is a traditional wine shop and bar with food, the tables are tiled and it is very cool when it is seriously hot outside.

After a rest back at the Residenza we had a bottle of chilled Spumante on the terrace, provided by the hotel, and then headed out for the evening to Campo de’ Fiori and Piazza Navona. We had drinks and nibbles at Campo and a wander around the Piazza, which was stunning. Dinner was pizza at Pace 44 at Via del Teatro Pace 44, we would highly recommend the delicious pizzas at Pace. It is not called Pace anymore, but just head to the address and eat at the pizza restaurant there.

A very tired bunch, with sore and swollen feet, headed back to the Residenza by bus.

A note, buy a few bus/metro tickets and punch as you enter the station/bus as it can be difficult to find a place to buy tickets for the buses.

The transport system in Rome was timely and efficient. It was also crowded, as you would expect.

diet, dieting, Rome, marriage, wedding anniversary, travel log, family, Residenza Cellini, Rome Restaurants,Rome hotels, Rome walking tours,Rome Churches

Rome - Day 2

2007-09-22T19:08:00.000+01:00

This was a busy day with a slow start. Our Rome sightseeing started with a red bus tour of the inner city, which left us all sun fatigued as we had not appreciated how hot and sunny it would be. At the end of the bus tour, which began at Termini, we grabbed filled baguettes and took the red bus round to the meeting point for our guided walk of the Forum and Coliseum.

The bus tour was an excellent way of getting your bearings and seeing the main sites ready for going back to see an area or site in detail. With stops, the trip takes about 2 hours in total.

The afternoon was a pre-booked group guided walk with When In Rome Tours at 4.00pm of the Coliseum and Ancient Rome (the Forum) (30 Euros each). The walk started at the fountain to the right of the Virrorio Emanuele Monument (as you are looking at it from Piazza Venezia). Excellent, but tiring, tour especially in the heat. Next time I would wear a hat!! We did learn that you can fill up your water bottles from the water fountains that are seen all over Rome. The water is cool and refreshing, and perfectly safe to drink, just remember to have your empty water bottles ready to fill up. I managed the walking, but began to flag at the end. Due to lack of change we were not able to tip the guide, so this is something to remember for another time.

At the end of the Coliseum walk we headed to a nearby restaurant recommended in the AA Pocket Guide of Rome called Binario 4 at Via San Giovanni in Laterano 32. This was as cheap, but excellent, as the guide book suggested. After starters, dinner, wine and lager we headed 2 or 3 shops up the road (away from the Coliseum) and had our first ice-cream. Ice-cream from the gelateria throughout Rome is to be highly recommended. After a tiring, but informative, day we headed back to the Residenza for the night. We ended the evening with a bottle of wine on the upper terrace of the Residenza, shortly to be made into the open air breakfast room. When the terrace is fully open it will be a wonderful adition to the hotel.

If you only have one day in Rome, I could not recommend the Forum and Coliseum highly enough, especially with a guide. This walk helped us to appreciate everything else about Rome that was to come.

We were there in June, be warned that the heat is much greater than you will expect and the power of the sun drains you of energy completely. Do drink plenty of water at every opportunity.

diet, dieting, Rome, marriage, wedding anniversary, travel log, family, Residenza Cellini, Rome Restaurants,Rome hotels, Rome walking tours

Rome - Day 1

2007-09-22T18:45:00.000+01:00

On day one we flew from Newcastle to Campiano (the less well known, charter flight airport for Rome) with Easyjet. The flight was almost 2 hours late in departing, I don't know if this is usual or not, and there was confusion about the departure gate which was not announced until the last moment.

When we arrived we were met by the luxury people carrier organised by the Residenza Cellini, where we had organised to stay. The drive from Campiano to the Residenza, near Republica, took about 40 minutes and was a wonderful taste of what was to come in Rome. We passed the Apanian Way, where the catacomb's are, and the Coliseum. We were intrigued to see the number of newly wed couples, in all the finery, having their wedding photographs and videos taken around the Coliseum - this was a local tradition we were to see throughout the city during our stay as couples have wedding photos taken at the key sites all over the city!

We arrived at the Residenza, near Republica. It was an excellent location for buses and metro, yet quiet as it is off the main drag. We did not find the reported vagrant living on the doorstep as one reviewer stated on Tripadvisor. The children had a lovely, cool triple room with a spa bath with shower over. Hubby and I had a smaller double room with en-suite shower. Both rooms were spacious and beautifully decorated with crisp, fresh linen of the highest quality. The only moan, the beds were hard. A small breakfast room was set up each morning with a cold buffet collection, meats, cheeses, breads, fruit, yogurt, biscuits and delicious pastries. You could have teas, coffees, water and juices.

On the first night the 5 of us had dinner at Il Giglio, near Opera, reserved and recommended by the Residenza. It was lively and traditional, but upmarket, restaurant and a relaxing start to our break. Hubby and I had traditional Roman dishes, with spring lamb.

diet, dieting, Rome, marriage, wedding anniversary, travel log, family, Residenza Cellini, Rome Restaurants, Rome hotels

Rome Travel Advice

2007-09-22T18:24:00.000+01:00

Although this is not about my dieting struggles, I thought you might be interested in my travel-log of Rome. We celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary by renewing our wedding vows at All Saints Church, Rome in June. A romantic occasion made special by the family being together for the wonderful event. I have written up a day-by-day account of our time with restaurant recommendations. I hope the travel log is helpful to you.

I should say, it is actually easy to eat healthily (low-fat) in Rome as the Italian diet is not stodgy and based on fresh food, fish, vegetables lean meat. Even the pizza is very, very thin based.

diet, dieting,
Rome, marriage, travel-log, family,
wedding anniversary

10% Party Time!

2007-07-08T08:50:00.001+01:00

I have done it, I got on the scales yesterday and reached my 10% target!

I was 366 lbs on the 4th January 2007 and on the 7th July 2007 I was 329lbs - I have lost 37 lbs, just over my 10% target.

Target 1 has been achieved.
Target 2, to lose weight for my renewal of vows in Rome was achieved.

Now to work towards target 3, being less again when I see Aida in Verona at the end of August.

After dithering around for over a month gaining and losing 2 or 3 lbs, I got my self organised again and kept focused. I avoided the sandwich and cake trolley at work and took in a drawer full of healthy, low fat and low calorie snacks. When I wanted a sugar burst I had a pot of 0% fat, low sugar, low calorie jelly (10 calories) to take the edge off my desire for something sweet.

What success, I lost 8lbs this week (probably mostly water again), but hey I still feel better for it!

I shall have a 10% party day today, more low calorie, low fat treats! I shall also award myself my 10% present, an Agent Provocateur perfume set I bought just for this occasion. Maybe I will even make advances to hubby for a change, as a new body shape emerges a new more adventurous person is may also be emerging!

Watch out for next weeks update.

weight loss obesity fatblogging dieting diet odeama

Home from Rome

2007-07-01T11:26:00.000+01:00

Oh it was wonderful! I had managed to get below the 24st barrier before going and the dress I wore for the eldest sprogs wedding fitted with room to spare. A lovely pure silk, very floaty, mid calf length dress. The dress was white with coral flowers and I wore it with a short coral coloured jacket. The girls and hubby were very proud of me.

I was disappointed that I had not reached the 10% target, but I was still over 2st lighter than in January - so be positive, that was an achievement.

Although the arthritis in my knees is bad I dosed up on painkillers and got on with lots of walking, the only way to see Rome. My next blog will be a day by day travel-blog of our trip to Rome.

I drank loads of water, it was soooo hot, eat a good breakfast and had lovely lunches or dinners out. I came home only 2lbs up. I was very disappointed about this because I felt lighter after all the walking I had been doing, but my oedema got worse on the plane home and I came back with ballooned feet and calves which have still not gone down. I hardly pee at all! I have been to the doctors and been given water tablets. One good thing though, on the flight out I needed the belt extension to make the 2 ends of the lap belt meet but on the flight back I DID NOT NEED THE BELT EXTENSION (yes I do want to shout it out loud). The lap belt did up without the need for the extension on the way home - I knew I had lost weight in Rome.

I have a waist again and my trousers are hanging off me, so when I shift the oedema I suspect I will have achieved the 10% target.

My next target will be to shift at least 7lbs by the end of July before heading off to the holiday home for the summer. We will probably entertain 2 or 3 sets of guests over the summer, definitely 2 sets and a third set if my brother and partner can make it. This year we are centering ourselves around the house, village or boat. We are definitely taking things easier and not running around as much. The most exercise will be gentle strolls around the local countryside, followed by swimming in our pool.

I am looking forward to simple cooking and eating there, lovely barbecued meat and fish, salads and fruit, with the normal glass of French wine. The difference between the UK and France is that the shops in France mainly only sell local produce, and the Limousin is renowned for its beef, river fish, pork, apples, pears and walnuts. In the UK supermarket you can buy food transported from anywhere in the world, but the quality is rubbish as it has been transported so far. How ecologically green is that!

Anyway, the last week has been difficult as I came back feeling a bit low and I am worried about the future, so as ever I let that dictate what I ate. I was on the see food and eat it diet. Yesterday I called a halt to that and went back to the planned eating diet, with my 7 day eating (and shopping) plan. I have lost 1lb between yesterday morning and this morning! Miracle!!

I have to break the cycle of my mood influencing my eating, scones, crisp and chocolate are not the answer.

This is the start of a good week.

weight loss obesity fatblogging family dieting diet Rome

I can resist anything but food!

2007-05-08T17:56:00.000+01:00

Oh dear me!! I feel so down and fed-up with everything. I am tired all the time, argumentative for no reason and cannot be bothered to make an effort. Yet life has to carry on.

The birthday weekend I arranged for the youngest sprog (now 21, ahh how old does that make me feel) went really well. Everybody enjoyed the weekend, we all had fun times or pampering times and then spent a lovely day together at a beautiful National Trust property with something for all age groups.

Yet before this weekend, during this weekend, and now I have been struggling big time with wanting to eat cakes, chocolate, crisps and (now) cheese on toast - all comfort food.

Why do I need or want comfort food? I am unhappy with where I work, what I am doing, having to work, and trying to complete my evening course as well. I can see no way out except to carry on working and try to make the best of it. This has led me to be snappy with the every loving and giving partner - well, who else can I be snappy with?

I find myself worrying about the sprogs as well, both have backsides that could do with dietary shrinking before they burst out of their trousers. Sprog 1 (eldest) is unhappy with her lot but does not know what to do about it and will barely discuss it. Sprog 2 is just very stressed taking university end of year exams. Sprog 1 has given up smoking at New Year as well, never something that helps the hips.

I am finding that giving in all the time and feeling the woes of the world leaves me feeling tired, fed up and irritable and out of food control. The more fed up I feel the more my food goes out of control and I start to binge eat again, as well as secret eating. 4 cream cakes today eaten in secret with the boxes well hidden. I even managed to get off my backside, well out of my bed at 3.00pm, to go to the shop to buy them before hubby got home from work.

Will writing up my terrible secrets be cathartic? Can I regain control and focus on the next target? I am still trying to keep the 2st off and get to the 10% goal, let alone have achieved something significant by the time hubby and I remarry in Rome this coming June.

Help!

I even went to the Tarot cards for answers today, that just leaves me feeling confused about myself. Do I give up working - no. Do I move to France - no. Do I sell the house - no. I want to sell the house and go live the simple life in France but the Tarot says no. To be honest my own brain tells me no as the tax implication on my retirement lump sum would be significant, it is tax free in the UK and taxable at 40% in France as the pension systems are structured differently. I can only go to live in France after I have retired. So my next question, how do I get early retirement?

I know this much, if I do not conquer my weight problems early retirement will be the least of my issues, I will end up disabled and unable to enjoy life

Some good news in the last 2 weeks though. The doctor has explained that If I get down to 16st I can be referred for an op on my knee to sort out the torn cartilage which should greatly improve my mobility and pain. In the meantime I am referred back to physio to strengthen the muscles.

As they say, every cloud has a silver lining.

weight loss obesity fatblogging family dieting diet

Chicken (or Quorn) Tikka Masala

2007-04-07T09:29:00.000+01:00

Soften 1 small sliced onion in a pan sprayed with oil. Add 1 cubed medium skinless chicken breast or 85g Quorn pieces and brown. Stir in 1 dspn curry paste (I use Patak's tikka masala paste), and 200g canned tomatoes (I chop them up before adding them). Stir, then simmer for 15 - 20 minutes. Remove from the heat and stir in 1 rounded dspn fat-free natural yogurt or fromage frais. Sprinkle with garam masala (optional). Serve with 50g dry weight, boiled rice. (16 checks, approx 400 calories).

Diet Progress 3 - On Holiday!

2007-04-07T09:12:00.000+01:00

I only had time to weigh in and update my ticker last week as we rushed to get through our packing ready for the holiday. At least I was back on track with weight loss last week.

After a week in France at our holiday home and living the French relaxed lifestyle, yet with more activity, I have shed an amazing 7lbs! I have not suffered or starved myself at all - I have entertained twice, eaten out 3 times and have had 50g of the best quality dark chocolate every day. I have done a lot more walking and house work (cooking, cleaning) in the last week as well, altogether the activity and good quality fresh French produce has spurred on my weight loss. Another week in France before returning home to the UK, with an even more active week planned. Tomorrow we put our yacht on the water for the season, so I can look forward to resuming sailing again - at this rate I will reach my 10% weight loss target in no time at all.

I have achieved my 2st weight target now, after so long of bouncing up and down but never quite getting there. My husband has bought me a gift of a luxury perfume as a reward.

My favourite recipe, from the Scottish Slimmers PEP plus book (see my links) is Chicken Tikka Masala - lovely taste and texture, the recipe can be adapted for vegetarians as well. See my new 'Recipes' section if you would like to make this.

Diet Progress 2

2007-03-24T09:15:00.000Z

Well last Saturday I created my weight monitor ticker, went public with how bad my problem is! My friends still do not know the full horror of my weight, only my weight loss. When I get nearer to my target weight or a significant milestone I may feel able to share with them how much control I had lost.

Although I created the ticker last week, I had actually gained 2 lbs over the previous week to take me to 345lbs. I had a week where anything and everything was impacting on my willpower. I had put in for a position at work and was not shortlisted. I had not wanted to put in for the position but felt the security of any job was better than being an interim senior manager, yet I knew the position was wrong for me. The Director knew I would hate the job within months if I got it, so rather than appoint someone who would end up hating what she had done he asked me to stay on for at least another 6 months and carry on with the level of work I am doing. I feel better about that. This also helped me to deal with another decision I have to make, whether to put in for a very senior level post back down in London again - it would be the pinnacle of my career if I got it, and more than that, the position really motivates me when I think about it. So I have made up my mind to go for it.

I lost control of my eating for the week before last because I was scared I would be shortlisted/get a job I would hate yet I never listened to my own feelings, I just listened to my practical self. I am my own worst enemy sometimes (well, all the time).

I lost 2lbs this week (weighed in today). So back on the right track again. I feel I have lost March, I could have been so much further on! I have to start listening to my own innermost feelings and stop reacting. Easier said than done! I have not been perfect this week, but I stuck to the plan on 4 out of the 7 days, so that has made the difference. Now, if I can stick to the plan on 7 out of 7 days I will definitely notice a difference.

One major difference I did notice is that I start to feel more physically mobile at 343lbs, my knees are less painful with the arthritis and I move around with a bit more agility. If I could listen to my body it would be excellent.

To help me with weight loss, now I have lost some weight myself, my doctor has offered me Oralstat. Having done some research on this drug I am not so sure I want medical intervention to help me, I want to do this by re-educating my eating pattern and eating style. Before I re-think again about medical intervention I am going to give myself until the end of June (just over 3 months) and work on my feelings, the triggers to me eating, my feelings of hunger and when I find it difficult to be controlled. If I can understand these I may be able to work with them for long-term weight loss and, more importantly, weight maintenance.

Come on girl, get on with it for another week! Take the positive from this week - I have lost 2lbs! I also found I had passed my VTCT Swedish Body Massage and Health & Safety courses, and got 2 lovely certificates. Only reflexology to complete and that is two new practical subjects learnt that could help me to a different future. I want to learn how to do facials next (beauty and holistic).

Diet Progress 1

2007-03-11T17:25:00.000Z

Now you have some background about me I should let you know how my diet is going this time. Well, I have been on the diet since the beginning of January and as of yesterday I have lost 1st 9lbs. I gained 4lbs this week!

I weigh myself every Saturday then e-mail a group of friends my progress for the week together with my eating chart for the week.

I have only gained weight on two of the weeks, this week and four weeks ago. A pattern is beginning to emerge. Even though I had a hysterectomy 7 years ago, and my ovaries were retained, I still have my monthly cycle. I used to have terrible PMT and although my PMT is less severe, the desire to over eat is still there every month. Now I know this I can start to deal with it in 4 weeks time, I will take oil of evening primrose for a week before. I found this worked years ago.

I am not going to slip back to over eating all the time again though! I have carried on with preparing my weekly food chart and shopping list, got my weeks shopping in and got back on track again. Watch this space for a weekly diet and weight loss update. My targets are:

lose 10% of my starting body weight;
keep losing weight through to June, when my husband and I celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary by renewing our vows and having our marriage blessed in Rome;
keep losing weight through to my 50th birthday in August, when I go to see Aida at open air opera in Verona; and finally
keep losing weight through to March 2008 when I go to the British Virgin Islands and Antigua.

I want to be a healthier, fitter person when I do these things. I do not want the pain I currently have.

I had began to feel more sprightly and more able to get about (walking). This has taken a backward step this week though with gaining 4lbs - mostly fluid on the ankles and knees. The fluid retention has been greatly improved without having to continue taking tablets or supplements until this week. The one thing I can think of that has had an impact this week is eating processed food - crisps (even though they were low fat crisps), sausage rolls, ordinary chocolate bars, cakes, and an Easter egg. Some of this I have eaten openly, meaning I did not hide the boxes from my husband, but most have been eaten secretly, surreptitiously.

When the children were small they had the ability to eat half a chocolate bar and leave the rest for another day, they could even save their Easter eggs until Christmas! I used to finish the chocolate off and replace it with another bar to avoid being caught, which meant I had to eat even more so they did not realise I had eaten any at all. I used to do the same with cakes. Any cakes left over would be eaten, unseen, and replaced (less the portion originally eaten by the family). I could fool myself I was hardly eating anything, and look as if I was in control in front of my family, but in reality all my eating was being done in secret. I used to leave things to be found (empty chocolate boxes) in the hope that it might help - well it did not help. Year on year I gained stone after stone.

Having two children certainly has not helped the weight, nor has studying for a degree, professional qualification, and masters degree. I have found that studying and eating go together very nicely!!

I have had 2 periods of significant weight loss. In 1979 - 1980, when I met my husband, I lost over 7st 7lbs before going on holiday to Germany. I never went back to the slimming club when I came back with, not just presents, but a stone more weight. The second time was in 1999 - 2000 when I lost almost 8st, but was distracted by the hysterectomy and never got back to it again.

This time I had not realised I had gained so much, all the weight I lost in 1999 - 2000 plus another stone. I could barely walk without pain, arthritis in the knees, and I faced the humiliation of not even being able to clean my own bottom as I could not reach. Losing almost 2st, including a lot of fluid from my ankles and knees, has made a huge difference to me, I can wipe my own bottom!

I cannot go back to what I was like at the beginning of January, I must go forward and deal with this debilitating weight so that I can have a better next 50 years.

Anyway, that is enough for today. I will sign in next week with Diet Progress 2, which will be better than this weeks effort. I will avoid processed food and aim to eat only good, wholesome, natural food.

Why Am I Blogging?

2007-03-04T14:05:00.000Z

I have booked a holiday to the British Virgin Islands and Antigua for March 2008. Why is that significant? I was 26st 2lbs when I booked it in January, and the holiday is a sailing holiday. How many elephants go sailing?

Hubby and I are celebrating 25 years of marriage this year and are both going to be 50 as well, so to celebrate these events hubby and I have arranged a variety of things. Well, I have arranged them as they are from my long wish list of things and places I would like to do and see, but hubby is more than happy to participate. He does not really have dreams, or more correctly is dreams have come true as he now has his yacht which will be going to France in April. Hubby is, except for our sex life (or lack of it), generally happy with his lot now he can see an end to teaching and is looking forward to his next career as a carpenter. Otherwise, he loves me, his children, sailing and orienteering. I love him dearly and he is my best friend, but life could have been so different (happier?) for us if not for one event in the past.

I am blogging to finally put my ghosts to rest, record my slimming struggle, and maybe bring some hope to others. Through this blog maybe I will get some extra support as well!

My History - Feeling guilty!

2007-03-04T12:24:00.001Z

I am the classic yo-yo slimmer. From childhood (a very, very long time ago) I have been a big girl, most of the time bigger than 'normal'. I was an active child with cycling and swimming but when I started work, and the activity stopped, the weight started creeping on.

There have been times when the weight came off, always through going to a slimming club, and these times were usually connected to wanting to impress a new boyfriend. That is the key, I have never slimmed for myself! I have always slimmed for someone else!!

The other key to success I have recently identified is the link between my emotions and eating for comfort. I suppose I have always known there was a link between how I felt or what had just happened to me and eating. Whenever someone upset me or I was unhappy or I was bored or I needed comfort or..................(any excuse really) I would eat.

I can (could?) eat any amount of chocolate, cheese, biscuits, cakes, crisps, ravioli, mashed potato with cheese and tomato sauce, tomato soup etc that was in the house at any time - as well as my breakfast, lunch, and dinner!

Everybody thinks I am a really happy person with a very happy marriage and 2 lovely children. I have had a super career, for which I have had to work hard to get there, and have 2 lovely homes (England and France). So why did I get to be 26st 2lbs?

Until the beginning of January my health has been declining greatly with arthritis of the knees, breathing difficulties, depression, constant tiredness, unable to sleep. Walking anywhere was a chore, especially as I had fractured a knee a couple of years ago in a fall and I have not fully recovered from that. I virtually crawl upstairs and waddle around all the time. The impact this has on my confidence is huge and I end up thinking that I have to put up with what life throws at me because I have no other options. Don't get me wrong, despite how I might appear to people I am not the super confident, organised and cheerful person everybody else sees.

I have been struggling with making decisions, I have had dark thoughts about the future (would my family be better off without me? Well, yes financially they would). I am fed up to the back teeth with how I feel and how I look.

How did I get here then? The turning point in my life was 1983. I had given birth to a lovely daughter, yet I found it difficult to bond with her because I had her for my mum (who was dying) and I was going to have to go back to work when she was 6 months old just to keep a roof over our heads. My husband loved her from the beginning, she was the first thing he noticed when he came home from work, not me. I was jealous of a baby, but I was also desperately unhappy because I was going to lose my mum and would not be able to stay at home with my baby. Of course, I had not heard of post-natal depression - depression happened to celebrities and rich people with the time to be depressed.

Within 2 months life settled down a bit and sexual relations with my husband resumed (there had never been a problem in that department since the day we met in the 1970's). That was when life threw a googly at me, the first time we resumed our sex life I fell pregnant again. I believed that if you were breast feeding you could not fall pregnant! How stupid!

I was ill from the beginning but I was also sick at heart, I could not possibly keep this baby. There was absolutely no way we could afford it, and I could not cope with 2 babies under a year old and supporting my dad with my dying mother. With a terrible heart I made the decision to seek advice about a termination, so at 6 weeks pregnant I went ahead with the termination with the support of my husband. Life changed after that. After the termination I had to be hospitalised as an emergency as part of the placenta had been left behind and this left me very ill and potentially unable to have further children. I took this as a punishment from God, I had committed (to me) the worst sin of all.

My GP tried to help me cope by telling me I would probably not have survived a pregnancy due to how badly my body reacted to the hormone changes. Pregnancy is the only time I can lose stones without trying! For all 3 pregnancies I was constantly sick from beginning until about 24 weeks and ended up in hospital with severe dehydration. My GP said I had not given my body a chance to recover, and the pregnancy test was weak. Nothing he said helped, I felt I would have been a better person to try with the pregnancy and die or lose the baby naturally, rather than take the action I did.

I have spent a life-time taking my guilt out on me and, and to a large extent my husband and family - 24 years of guilt have led me to being 26st 2lb in January this year. I could not stand for my husband to touch me and, apart from the occasional attempt, we have had a mainly celibate marriage for those 24 years. Sex is not a normal part of our married life, it is a special occasion when we stay at 'posh' hotels. Despite some up and downs during those years, we have grown closer together and are best friends. We are the only two people who will tell one another the truth rather than what they want to hear.

We did have another child 3 years later. This time my body was telling me to have a baby, there was a huge longing which could only be resolved by having a baby. The conception was pained, still riddled with guilt as I was, and again without realising it or being able to put a name on it, I suffered from post natal depression. The only good thing was being able to afford to be at home to bring up both my children - an experience I loved. Don't think it was perfect though.

I was a strict mother and could be very horrible to my children, especially my eldest. I sometimes think I was resentful of her as my life changed so much after having her, and I had her to make my dying mother happy not because I was ready or wanted children. I was even more resentful as my husband doted on her, and 24 years later still does! When I realised I was having a problem holding my temper, especially when I was tired, I got very scared about the damage and hurt I could cause to my children (especially my eldest). That was a wake up call to me and I owned up to my husband about my actions and my fears for the safety of my children when I got mad with them. We worked through that. When I felt myself losing control I would phone him and talk it through, I would also just put the children to bed or take them to a friends house and I would go to bed until I felt able to cope again. Eventually I learned how to recognise the signs of losing control and put coping strategies in place to avoid them or minimise them.

Nowadays there are help lines for new (all) parents to help them cope, but in my day you feared that Social Services would condemn you and take your children away! How long did my period of feeling out of control last, no more than 6 months at most. I had not heard of, or realised, that I might be suffering from post-natal depression. I just thought I was a bad mother. By then my own dearly loved mother had died and I felt bereft and alone. I felt I had nobody to turn to.

I love my children dearly and try very hard not to put my guilt and fears on to them. I also try very hard to accept them warts and all and just support them through whatever life throws at them. As the years of gone on I have grown to love my first child very dearly, and have always loved my second child unconditionally from birth.

The biggest thing to blight my life has been my own guilt and being unable to deal with it. I call it beating myself up, I am very good at that.