Yes, I did have an Easter Egg. Eldest daughter bought my OH and me an egg each - a lovely Green and Blacks organic dark chocolate egg at 606 calories per egg. I ate the whole egg today to get it over and done with and to leave no temptation for another day. How good of me. Now I feel sick! Serves me right. Too much chocolate in one go, I am not used to it anymore.
Still, that is it for another year. I did count the checks in to my weekly total, so I will make up for it later in the week, expect a weight loss next Monday!
Please note, though, I bought my dieting daughters flowers and plants. Can I have flowers instead of chocolate next year please?
diet, dieting, obesity, weight loss, fatblogging, Easter,Chocolate,
Monday, 24 March 2008
Short French Break!
Bonjour
I have returned today from a short French break to our house in the Limousin. Very cold, but lots of blue sky and sun with the occasional snow storm or rain which was over with quickly. At least the sun makes you feel brighter and less gloomy.
My brother and sister-in-law joined us for the first time to see the area and the house. For the first time the OH and I got the chance to just be tourists in the area and did loads of firsts for us:
- we were up and about early enough to see the whole of Brive market on Saturday, excellent, especially the covered market;
- we found the olive oil shop and the household gift shop, I feel a major shopping spree coming on for both of those for Christmas and anniversary presents!
- after lunch yesterday (lovely 5 course lunch in the local hotel) we drove out to Pompadour, home of the national stud for France, and stumbled (for the first time) on a 3 day horse eventing competition and got the times of the opening of the local château.
What a treat is was to see the place as a tourist and do so many firsts with our guests. A good time was had by all. They can come again.
My sister-in-law is a very talented artist and drew several sketches of scenes and a water colour of the primroses from the garden, which was awash with lovely colour.
I mainly stuck to the eating plan but built in 1 unplanned treat a day - delicious French desserts! Overall, I was better than I normally am. I shall await the scales tomorrow morning!
Ah, to tomorrow! My first day in Birmingham. I am full of trepidation and excitement. My friend is coming with me this week, to help her kick start her return to work after a period of sick leave due to work related stress and so that we can brainstorm together for her as she has a strategy to write. We are good at strategy, we can go back to our MBA days together.
18 days until Antigua - will I cope!
diet, dieting, obesity, weight loss, fatblogging, France, MBA,
I have returned today from a short French break to our house in the Limousin. Very cold, but lots of blue sky and sun with the occasional snow storm or rain which was over with quickly. At least the sun makes you feel brighter and less gloomy.
My brother and sister-in-law joined us for the first time to see the area and the house. For the first time the OH and I got the chance to just be tourists in the area and did loads of firsts for us:
- we were up and about early enough to see the whole of Brive market on Saturday, excellent, especially the covered market;
- we found the olive oil shop and the household gift shop, I feel a major shopping spree coming on for both of those for Christmas and anniversary presents!
- after lunch yesterday (lovely 5 course lunch in the local hotel) we drove out to Pompadour, home of the national stud for France, and stumbled (for the first time) on a 3 day horse eventing competition and got the times of the opening of the local château.
What a treat is was to see the place as a tourist and do so many firsts with our guests. A good time was had by all. They can come again.
My sister-in-law is a very talented artist and drew several sketches of scenes and a water colour of the primroses from the garden, which was awash with lovely colour.
I mainly stuck to the eating plan but built in 1 unplanned treat a day - delicious French desserts! Overall, I was better than I normally am. I shall await the scales tomorrow morning!
Ah, to tomorrow! My first day in Birmingham. I am full of trepidation and excitement. My friend is coming with me this week, to help her kick start her return to work after a period of sick leave due to work related stress and so that we can brainstorm together for her as she has a strategy to write. We are good at strategy, we can go back to our MBA days together.
18 days until Antigua - will I cope!
diet, dieting, obesity, weight loss, fatblogging, France, MBA,
Sunday, 16 March 2008
Communication!
Communication!
Easy to say, difficult to do. Talking, writing, blogging, emailing, or just showing communication by action - holding hands, cuddling, making a persons favourite meal. All of these are vital so that those around us know where they are with us, can help us, support us and be supported by us.
Why do I find communication so hard then? I have had 50 years of bottling everything up and only recently started to tell those around me how I feel, what I think, or why I do something. By bottling up grief, anger, fear, hate, love, disappointment, unhappiness or any other emotion, I find comfort in food. There is a point at which I could open up or eat. Since January 2007 I have been slowly turning myself around by opening up, for a long time with complete anonymity. This has made a huge difference to me. I can deflect a major eating moment, day or week more readily now by telling my OH what I am feeling, wanting, or thinking. Since last year I have also been able to share with the Scottish Slimmers Forum and my blog. Yet, at times of stress I can revert back to my shell and hide how I feel.
I find it so much easier to hide my thoughts and feelings and take comfort in food.
This last week has seen just that. Me reverting back to the old, uncommunicative, hurting person again. Why? I am facing change again. Another new consultancy project to start next week - new people, challenges, tasks, place to stay. It gets harder the older I get, and is made worse because I am not the fit, well person I used to be. I find myself feeling slightly resentful at my OH because the family rely on my money and I feel trapped into having to keep earning.
My fear and resentment kicked in big time this week. I thought I was coping well, I kid myself that I am looking forward to the new opportunity I am starting next week. I lied to myself. By Monday night the false happy front I had put up crumbled and I raided my suitcase for all the 'treats' I had packed for my 3 days in Scotland. Crisps, chocolate, biscuits, wine from the hotel bar, mars bar! Tuesday was no better. Trying to complete the work I had in order to finish the consultancy kept me working from 8.00am to midnight. I set myself little targets, keep working for another 2 hours and I could have chocolate, another 2 hours and I could have more chocolate and crisps, get through to the end and I could have wine, crisps and chocolate! Wednesday was going so well until I found that the trains home to England were disrupted and was left to trail between Glasgow stations and over to Edinburgh. I then found I was stood for 40 minutes until a seat became available. My knees, both crumbling with arthritis, were in agony and pain seared through my body, but I remained stoic. Then I hit food and wine big time when I got home. I have only been able to slowly start to bring the binging under control since Thursday, and the weekend has been better. Yet I am still not communicating. I am still hurting.
I want tenderness from my OH, but because I feel bad about myself and my lack of control this week I flinch away from him when he cuddles me. I get up very early so that I am not there when he wakes up. I don't deserve love, kindness and tenderness.
What would make a difference? Communication. Tell my OH how I feel. Share with him, and now my blog today, my worries and fears. Tell him the truth about how I feel and work it through with him.
I do not want to have to keep working away from home. I did not give up a job I loved in London in order o work away from home for months on end, I wanted to spend more time with my OH not less. My OH has been in a temporary contract until the end of March and was interviewed on Friday for a possible extension to the contract. 2 people were going for 1 contract extension of 3 months. I prayed and wished that he did not get it. My wish came true. That means he can travel with me to the West Midlands every week and we can be together. When we are together, even when I am working away from home, I can cope and carry on PEPing. Yet this was such a selfish wish.
I am going to make a resolution with myself. I am going to try even harder to communicate. It is a two way thing, if I communicate with my OH and family they will feel they can share their worries and fears and joys with me.
Food must not be the first comfort I turn to. Food must not be a comfort to me at all, it is only fuel for energy.
Telling those closest to you how you feel, what you want and sharing your dreams is vital. It helps them to share with you as well. Communicate with those closest to you, encourage them to talk to you, listen to them. Don't turn to food, turn to those you love and who love you. Friends, family, Scottish Slimmers Forum and my blog.
diet, dieting, obesity, weight loss, fatblogging,
Easy to say, difficult to do. Talking, writing, blogging, emailing, or just showing communication by action - holding hands, cuddling, making a persons favourite meal. All of these are vital so that those around us know where they are with us, can help us, support us and be supported by us.
Why do I find communication so hard then? I have had 50 years of bottling everything up and only recently started to tell those around me how I feel, what I think, or why I do something. By bottling up grief, anger, fear, hate, love, disappointment, unhappiness or any other emotion, I find comfort in food. There is a point at which I could open up or eat. Since January 2007 I have been slowly turning myself around by opening up, for a long time with complete anonymity. This has made a huge difference to me. I can deflect a major eating moment, day or week more readily now by telling my OH what I am feeling, wanting, or thinking. Since last year I have also been able to share with the Scottish Slimmers Forum and my blog. Yet, at times of stress I can revert back to my shell and hide how I feel.
I find it so much easier to hide my thoughts and feelings and take comfort in food.
This last week has seen just that. Me reverting back to the old, uncommunicative, hurting person again. Why? I am facing change again. Another new consultancy project to start next week - new people, challenges, tasks, place to stay. It gets harder the older I get, and is made worse because I am not the fit, well person I used to be. I find myself feeling slightly resentful at my OH because the family rely on my money and I feel trapped into having to keep earning.
My fear and resentment kicked in big time this week. I thought I was coping well, I kid myself that I am looking forward to the new opportunity I am starting next week. I lied to myself. By Monday night the false happy front I had put up crumbled and I raided my suitcase for all the 'treats' I had packed for my 3 days in Scotland. Crisps, chocolate, biscuits, wine from the hotel bar, mars bar! Tuesday was no better. Trying to complete the work I had in order to finish the consultancy kept me working from 8.00am to midnight. I set myself little targets, keep working for another 2 hours and I could have chocolate, another 2 hours and I could have more chocolate and crisps, get through to the end and I could have wine, crisps and chocolate! Wednesday was going so well until I found that the trains home to England were disrupted and was left to trail between Glasgow stations and over to Edinburgh. I then found I was stood for 40 minutes until a seat became available. My knees, both crumbling with arthritis, were in agony and pain seared through my body, but I remained stoic. Then I hit food and wine big time when I got home. I have only been able to slowly start to bring the binging under control since Thursday, and the weekend has been better. Yet I am still not communicating. I am still hurting.
I want tenderness from my OH, but because I feel bad about myself and my lack of control this week I flinch away from him when he cuddles me. I get up very early so that I am not there when he wakes up. I don't deserve love, kindness and tenderness.
What would make a difference? Communication. Tell my OH how I feel. Share with him, and now my blog today, my worries and fears. Tell him the truth about how I feel and work it through with him.
I do not want to have to keep working away from home. I did not give up a job I loved in London in order o work away from home for months on end, I wanted to spend more time with my OH not less. My OH has been in a temporary contract until the end of March and was interviewed on Friday for a possible extension to the contract. 2 people were going for 1 contract extension of 3 months. I prayed and wished that he did not get it. My wish came true. That means he can travel with me to the West Midlands every week and we can be together. When we are together, even when I am working away from home, I can cope and carry on PEPing. Yet this was such a selfish wish.
I am going to make a resolution with myself. I am going to try even harder to communicate. It is a two way thing, if I communicate with my OH and family they will feel they can share their worries and fears and joys with me.
Food must not be the first comfort I turn to. Food must not be a comfort to me at all, it is only fuel for energy.
Telling those closest to you how you feel, what you want and sharing your dreams is vital. It helps them to share with you as well. Communicate with those closest to you, encourage them to talk to you, listen to them. Don't turn to food, turn to those you love and who love you. Friends, family, Scottish Slimmers Forum and my blog.
diet, dieting, obesity, weight loss, fatblogging,
Sunday, 9 March 2008
Football!
I went to my first football match in years today. The anticipation during the week was exciting! Getting ready for the match and walking up to the stadium with the hordes of eager supporters anticipating a victory to take us to the new Wembley Stadium gave me a frisson of pleasure.
It was a lovely sunny day with a blue sky which sent the spirits soaring, even though it was cold.
Within 10 minutes of the match starting everybody's hopes began to sink, except the away supporters! By the end of the match I knew why I had not been to a game in over 30 years - the anticipation soon flounders on the alter of bitter disappointment when your team lose, and lose badly because they forgot to get out of the starting blocks from the first kick off.
Oh well, back to snuggling up with a good book or an old movie when the OH goes to the match next time.
Oh, which team was I supporting? Middlesbrough, in the Premiership. Which team won through to the semi's of the FA Cup at Wembley? Cardiff, from the Championship!!!!!!
I did have one scary moment - I had to go through a turnstile! It went from ankle high to way above my head with close bars. You entered into what appeared to be a quarter circle space and pushed it round. About half way round I thought I was going to get stuck and face a really embarrassing moment - stuck half way round, trapped between iron bars, in front of 38,000 football spectators. Well it was my lucky day, having lost over 4 stone I pushed through and out the other side without getting stuck. As elder daughter remarked, who was following behind me, 'you couldn't have done that last year!' How true! I think I would have run the other way on seeing the turnstile last year.
I must remember the experience as an achievement for 2008.
diet, dieting, obesity, weight loss, fatblogging, football, Middlesbrough Football Club,
It was a lovely sunny day with a blue sky which sent the spirits soaring, even though it was cold.
Within 10 minutes of the match starting everybody's hopes began to sink, except the away supporters! By the end of the match I knew why I had not been to a game in over 30 years - the anticipation soon flounders on the alter of bitter disappointment when your team lose, and lose badly because they forgot to get out of the starting blocks from the first kick off.
Oh well, back to snuggling up with a good book or an old movie when the OH goes to the match next time.
Oh, which team was I supporting? Middlesbrough, in the Premiership. Which team won through to the semi's of the FA Cup at Wembley? Cardiff, from the Championship!!!!!!
I did have one scary moment - I had to go through a turnstile! It went from ankle high to way above my head with close bars. You entered into what appeared to be a quarter circle space and pushed it round. About half way round I thought I was going to get stuck and face a really embarrassing moment - stuck half way round, trapped between iron bars, in front of 38,000 football spectators. Well it was my lucky day, having lost over 4 stone I pushed through and out the other side without getting stuck. As elder daughter remarked, who was following behind me, 'you couldn't have done that last year!' How true! I think I would have run the other way on seeing the turnstile last year.
I must remember the experience as an achievement for 2008.
diet, dieting, obesity, weight loss, fatblogging, football, Middlesbrough Football Club,
This Week - So Far!
I still stumble when it comes to Wednesday and am heading home from Scotland! I get to Glasgow Central station and the Thornton's is just too tempting. Partly it is tiredness, partly it is me rewarding myself for coping again with another week away from home, partly it is me just fed up with living with pain and not being able so see a way out of it. As my weight has reduced I do seem to live with less pain, but then you get complacent and are less prepared for the next bout of arthritis pain.
Excuses, I know, I should just admit that I have low will-power, low resolve, and am still dealing with my ingrained desire to reward myself (good or bad) with chocolate.
No matter how much I plan for this weakness I can still exceed whatever I allow myself (I think that is part of the game we play with ourselves sometimes). You can plan for overeating but the devil in your head wants to be really naughty, not planned naughty. I will have to think of some new tactics to get over this because when I reduce my checks it will be even more difficult to maintain weight loss.
It has been a good week so far because I have not fallen out with anyone, been sick, felt the world was against me, or had to deal with stupid people. I really must look for positive reasons why I have good weeks, such as exercising every day (not), taking up a new hobby (not)!
I did have a real treat on Saturday morning (no not that!), I had an Indian Head Massage. Very relaxing and made me feel tall, long necked and slender for the rest of the day. I have booked a Reflexology session with the same lady for next Friday. I cannot wait.
I may go to Tia Chi next Friday morning as well, there is a class in the village. This may be my only chance to go and give it a go, as I may be starting work in Birmingham from Monday week. That will be mostly full-time (down Monday, back Friday).
I feel apprehensive about the Birmingham assignment. Have I still got the drive for the very senior position I am taking on? Have I got the stamina to cope with the travelling and walking? Have I got the willpower to cope on my own for another 2 nights? I will miss my OH very much, especially as we are renewing parts of our life that have been dormant for so long.
Oh well, I can only but try!
I will be getting a new Dietline mentor. My current lady is retiring. I feel, especially on the 2nd set of 12 weeks, that we really developed a good rapport, so I am concerned about starting to develop that rapport again with someone else. The other issue that concerns me greatly is that the new lady has different hours that do not easily fit in with my working week, if I cannot find agreement with her over the call in times I will have to ask for someone else. The older I get the less easily I find I cope with change.
Fingers crossed for a good weight loss tomorrow on weigh in day.
diet, dieting, obesity, weight loss, fatblogging, Indian Head Massage, reflexology,
Excuses, I know, I should just admit that I have low will-power, low resolve, and am still dealing with my ingrained desire to reward myself (good or bad) with chocolate.
No matter how much I plan for this weakness I can still exceed whatever I allow myself (I think that is part of the game we play with ourselves sometimes). You can plan for overeating but the devil in your head wants to be really naughty, not planned naughty. I will have to think of some new tactics to get over this because when I reduce my checks it will be even more difficult to maintain weight loss.
It has been a good week so far because I have not fallen out with anyone, been sick, felt the world was against me, or had to deal with stupid people. I really must look for positive reasons why I have good weeks, such as exercising every day (not), taking up a new hobby (not)!
I did have a real treat on Saturday morning (no not that!), I had an Indian Head Massage. Very relaxing and made me feel tall, long necked and slender for the rest of the day. I have booked a Reflexology session with the same lady for next Friday. I cannot wait.
I may go to Tia Chi next Friday morning as well, there is a class in the village. This may be my only chance to go and give it a go, as I may be starting work in Birmingham from Monday week. That will be mostly full-time (down Monday, back Friday).
I feel apprehensive about the Birmingham assignment. Have I still got the drive for the very senior position I am taking on? Have I got the stamina to cope with the travelling and walking? Have I got the willpower to cope on my own for another 2 nights? I will miss my OH very much, especially as we are renewing parts of our life that have been dormant for so long.
Oh well, I can only but try!
I will be getting a new Dietline mentor. My current lady is retiring. I feel, especially on the 2nd set of 12 weeks, that we really developed a good rapport, so I am concerned about starting to develop that rapport again with someone else. The other issue that concerns me greatly is that the new lady has different hours that do not easily fit in with my working week, if I cannot find agreement with her over the call in times I will have to ask for someone else. The older I get the less easily I find I cope with change.
Fingers crossed for a good weight loss tomorrow on weigh in day.
diet, dieting, obesity, weight loss, fatblogging, Indian Head Massage, reflexology,
My Week Got Better
Although last week started out miserably with a tummy bug which laid me low up on Scotland, the week did get better when I went to the Scottish Slimmers meet at the Panjea Curryoke in Glasgow. Youngest daughter and I, both SS Forum members, wen and thoroughly enjoyed ourselves.
We made the trip up on the Saturday and arrived at the Crowne Plaza to find we had been upgraded to a Club room - lovely room, huge bed, free drinks and snacks in the Club lounge! We virtuously went swimming in the hotel pool and spa before getting ready for our night out. Getting ready included mini bottles of champagne we had bought at M & S in Edinburgh when changing train and a drink in the Club lounge, so we were very merry when we set off.
Although we tried to be diet good, we were not that good (alcohol seems to weaken the resolve!) We did dance and youngest daughter sang (I think that is what you call it anyway!) I think she me bribe me not to play the video I took on my camera to anybody though.
The great part of the evening was meeting so many people we have chatted to on the SS Forum and putting faces to Forum names. A great night was had by all.
Youngest daughter and I went swimming again in the hotel spa before setting off for home. We did go back to PEPing on the Sunday, but by then the damage was done. Weigh in on Monday found a 1 lb weight gain for me, so not as bad as it could have been (I think being ill during the week has something to do with it, but I would not advocate tummy bugs as a weight control or diet aid).
diet, dieting, obesity, weight loss, fatblogging
We made the trip up on the Saturday and arrived at the Crowne Plaza to find we had been upgraded to a Club room - lovely room, huge bed, free drinks and snacks in the Club lounge! We virtuously went swimming in the hotel pool and spa before getting ready for our night out. Getting ready included mini bottles of champagne we had bought at M & S in Edinburgh when changing train and a drink in the Club lounge, so we were very merry when we set off.
Although we tried to be diet good, we were not that good (alcohol seems to weaken the resolve!) We did dance and youngest daughter sang (I think that is what you call it anyway!) I think she me bribe me not to play the video I took on my camera to anybody though.
The great part of the evening was meeting so many people we have chatted to on the SS Forum and putting faces to Forum names. A great night was had by all.
Youngest daughter and I went swimming again in the hotel spa before setting off for home. We did go back to PEPing on the Sunday, but by then the damage was done. Weigh in on Monday found a 1 lb weight gain for me, so not as bad as it could have been (I think being ill during the week has something to do with it, but I would not advocate tummy bugs as a weight control or diet aid).
diet, dieting, obesity, weight loss, fatblogging
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