Review of 2007

In January 2007 I was 26st 2lbs and now I am 4lb short of 4st lighter.

This week has not been so good for me. I was feeling lonely and fed-up on Tuesday, working away from home is difficult and getting more difficult for me. On the other hand, being at home is just as difficult but in a different way.

Normally when I am working away from home (in Greenock, Scotland) I find the routine an easy way of controlling impulse binge eating but this week I made the mistake of bulk buying chocolate on the Monday when I arrived in Greenock. My Monday routine is to leave the house at 7.00 am for the 8.03 am train with 1 snack in my bag and only enough cash to buy a cup of coffee. I arrive in Greenock about 1.00 and put my suitcase in the office and then head to M & S or Tesco's to buy my lunch and my dinners. I can store chilled stuff in a fridge at work. This week I also bulk bought Tunnocks wafers, Thornton's marzipan bars and macaroon bars. I think I was planning my impulse binge on Monday at the shops, although it did not start until Tuesday and continued on through to Wednesday night. I get home around 9.00pm on Wednesday night and my OH has dinner waiting for me, off the PEP plan. We had 'words' later when I insisted I was going to eat 2 twirls that were in the fridge.

I woke on Thursday to the thought that I could carry on or draw a red line under it. I have chosen to draw a red line under it. I counted the calories for the chocolate I had consumed (we count in checks in Scottish Slimmers), as I has meticulously written down everything that I had eaten, revised my plan for the rest of the week and will bring my overall checks in to within 20 for the whole week - not bad as I am on 65 checks a day. A check is about 25 calories

At home the most difficult thing to cope with is having the cupboards and fridge so near, and the time to pop out in the car to the supermarket. It is often more of a struggle on my days at home.

So what does all this have with reviewing the year?

It is snowing outside, I am snuggled up on the sofa watching Loose Women and feeling incredible weak again. I still have a macaroon bar in my unpacked work suitcase. I want to eat it, but I desperately do not want to undo all the good work that has been hard for me. So, I need to remind myself of how far I have progressed in the last year.

I started my weight loss programme, following my old Scottish Slimmers books, on Thursday 4th January 2007. What spurred me on:

- booking a holiday for March 2008 in Antigua and the British Virgin Islands (something long term to look forward to);
- celebrating our 25th wedding anniversary in June 2007 with a renewal of vows and wedding blessing in Rome;
- facing my 50th birthday in August 2007.

I have to admit that there were other reasons, some of which are not very pleasant. Other reasons included:

- wanting to fit into an air plane seat without having to have the seat belt extension;
- wanting to ease the constant pain I am in from a knee injury sustained when I tripped in June 2005;
- wanting to ease the arthritis pain I also suffer from in both my knees due to the wear and tear on my joints, which was worsened much more quickly following my trip and knee injury;
- being able to walk up and down stairs with comfort instead of dread; and
- lastly, but not least, I wanted to be able to wipe my own bottom. At 26st 2lbs with knees that would not bend easily, I had reached the stage where my OH was having to clean my bottom for me.

I had gone as low as I could in losing all dignity and I could take it no more. Having your OH carry out very personal tasks is not the basis for a marriage. Other aspects of married life were history. We were existing as two close friends, with one being asked to go beyond what you expect of anybody except maybe a carer not a husband.

So what difference has losing 52lbs (to date), nearly 4st, had on my life?

1) I fitted into a dress I last wore for my eldest daughter's wedding (in August 2005) for our June wedding blessing and renewal of vows in Rome.
2) I had the energy to cope with sightseeing in Rome, although I did overdo it with the Vatican and Vatican museum tour - I could barely walk after that.
3) I fitted into the seat at the Verona arena on my 50th birthday in August when we saw Aida, alright it was slightly tight but in January I would not have fitted into the seat at all. Yes we did book the expensive seats for my birthday and not the stone steps. We did go back 2 days later to watch the Barber of Seville from the stone steps, getting up and down the stone steps at the arena was difficult I admit.
4) By October I was able to just fit into the air plane seat without the extension belt, although I could not breath!
5) By the June I was wiping my own bottom, I had regained my dignity.
6) Having regained my dignity I was able to look further afield for my consultancy work, hence taking on the work at Greenock. This allows me to earn more but work less, which gives me more overall time at home with my OH.
7) It has motivated my 2 daughters to tackle their weight problems before they become critical, and both are doing well.
8) I have more good days when I can walk up and down the stairs without difficulty, the bad days of arthritis pain are fewer.
9) I binge eat less, it used to be all the time, now it is just now and again.
10) I am beginning to learn coping mechanisms and understand what makes me binge eat. This means I have longer gaps between binges and I eat less on a binge now.
11) I climb back on the Scottish Slimmers Personal Eating Plan straight away and carry on now, in the past 1 binge would have seen me go off the rails completely until I had gained all the weight I had lost and more!
12) I am learning to be realistic about what I can achieve and be happy with those achievements. I would have loved to have lost a stone a month and be 12 stone lighter. Who wouldn't at my size? Taking the route of re-educating my eating for life was always going to be the slow route for me as my size and arthritis limited my exercise.
13) I can walk for 30 minutes a day now and do try to do that at least 3 times a week, I combine it with walking to the shops.
14) Don't tell the kids (21 and 24), but our sex life has started again, albeit slowly. When you have success in losing weight you start to like yourself more and you are more confident. My OH likes the more confident person I am becoming who is starting to like herself. Liking myself shows in little ways - instead of staying unwashed and undressed on non work days I get up, get washed and showered and get dressed. It is much nicer for my OH to come home to someone who bothers about themselves.

How can I say I have a lack of confidence when I have had a very successful career and am now continuing as a successful and in demand business consultant? Easily, on work days I put on my 'work front' and jolly persona, I have been hiding behind this 'jolly' person for years as well as telling myself that it is not my body size that matter but my brain. This has been true to an extent, except eventually your body size impacts on your health or does not recover as well as it could have done from accidents. Body size does matter if you want quality in the long-term for your life.

Now I have got passed the urge to binge again, and am ready to go and cook my planned Personal Eating Plan lunch (tomato soup and mushroom stroganoff from the No Check Low Check recipte book) with 1 slice of wholemeal toast (3 checks only, 9 checks saved to make up for the binging). I will report a loss this week and I will learn to manage my binge eating.

Focusing on what I have achieved and how much difference that has made to my life has helped and, hopefully, keeping focused on the improvements to come will help me to stay motivated.

I hope my achievements and how I cope with problems as they arise helps you.

diet, dieting, obesity, weight loss, fatblogging, chocolate, 2007